So....

There's this comment on my previous post and as much as it's a comment about someone else and their friend's life, it's so true of others. I was watching some show or movie and there was this moment when the actor professes that you can't help who you fall in love with; love chooses you. Well, this is a spin off from Kent Nerburn's words but I'll go with it here. We do fall in love with people for many reasons and not all of them are the reasons to spend a lifetime married to someone. There are plenty of people who connect with someone they shouldn't and are disconnected from someone who loves them fully as in the case of "Trying to be a good friend's" comment. The whole time I was reading this I could completely understand why one might question if the fall out between an old relationship needs to stay that way when on the outside it appeared the man was good for her friend and she even suggests her friend turn the other cheek. Sometimes the distance creates the boundaries needed in order to get along. However, I'm sure it's a lonely and frustrating feeling for the friend to talk with a man she has feelings for and come up feeling empty after the discussion especially when the man she was dating was better at helping her while she shared or made it easier to have better communication between the two. But, I question why a friend would view this other past relationship as one of the available options for this woman? This woman is single which leads to options not considered here such as a whole new arena of men that aren't currently part of her life. It's great if someone can help out and relieve stress by taking charge as mentioned. The person doesn't ask you to let him know if you need his help or when you're ready to take him up on his offer of assistance - he just puts the plan in action and does it. It's actually more stressful to know you need help that's being offered and know in your heart you don't feel comfortable taking a person up on it. When another person just does it, it really does remove the stress because it removes feeling like a charity case. However, the good friend also mentioned a third man which brings a different set of cards to the table; it sounded like he's somewhere in between the old boyfriend and the one that's taking a passive approach as listener when what she really wants is talker, questioner, doer. There's another question that goes through my mind and it's what is a good friend? When my friends smell trouble, they try and tell me to get out while I can with my heart still in one piece. My friends also watch and listen to my enthusiasm or lack thereof when I talk about someone who might be interested and along with it they ask a ton of questions about character. While I feel for the woman wanting some good parts of a bad relationship, I also feel for the friend who needs to show her friend that there are options out there other than settling for having to spend a life turning the other cheek.

© 2011 Savannah Jones