Should I assume that the restaurant chosen for a first date is an indication of what it would be like to date this man? This question goes right along with the list of first date questions - Are these the clothes he/she really wears by choice? Do you think he really has manners because he didn't open the door for me? I wonder why he or she was so vague about the last relationship, is it a bad sign? Why do you REALLY think the he/she is divorced? He/She hasn't really traveled and blames the ex do you think that's the way it really was? Obviously, I don't have these answers and didn't when my friend was bothered by the dining choice for the night. Really, I think it was the idea that in her mind this eating establishment has set the tone for other date choices should it be followed by consecutive dates. She wanted to know how to handle bringing up that she enjoys fine dining at least twice a month and likes to wear jeans the rest of the time. She didn't want to appear snobby but was under the impression that the gentleman preferred the same based on previous conversations but that wasn't the dining atmosphere chosen. She also felt that this might be a sign of low investment in the date but he did offer wine she added. So men, this ones for you...what do you think about the first date dining choices, conversation, attire, and level of depth in relationship discussions on a first date. Keep this in mind when answering - these dates didn't happen blindly without prior communication in some length.
© 2011 Savannah Jones
Nice to see you back at the posting I miss reading your column. Yes to all Savannah. It matters just as any first impression matters. Some men don't want to set the bar too high but I'm a big brother to three younger sisters and I know what a woman thinks when she's not treated to high style and then invited to a find dining establishment. My sister was afraid to order what she preferred due to the cost. My baby sis would order the most expensive and if the guy followed up with date two she knew he could afford her. Three sisters and you know how to treat a woman. It all matters and size matters too in case that comes up in conversation.
ReplyDeleteSaw you out last night in the company of your daughter. Didn't want to interrupt because the two of you were enjoying a laugh while walking into the movies. I think you know how to answer these questions but here's my advice for what it's worth: It matters where you eat for a first date and it should. What a woman orders let's a man know how comfortable she is. I know you always ask before ordering a filet and that's a kind offering but as you know a man who cares about you wants you to order the meal you most enjoy and won't look at it like this meal is for him and a woman should be happy with the chicken.
ReplyDeleteWhat if the men before treated me like a queen and put me on a pedastal? I am one of the women who states what she likes and is treated accordingly. I have high taste and likes only the best. I also like to date men who are the same. I believe the first date is exactly what the man is about including the clothes.
ReplyDeleteFirst date conversation is different than first meeting conversation. In the world we live today there might be a meeting before an actual date. Vagueness is a sign that you aren't getting the whole truth. If a story is complicated about your past relationships and you can't touch on it with some details, then something isn't right. There's a way to be vague but reassuring. My ex husband and I don't get along and I won't pretend we do. It doesn't bring out my best and I prefer to not get into the conversation. I explain it in a soft detailed way. I talk about how we didn't agree while married and we don't while divorced. I talk about how sometimes it's hard to blow it all off but I get better each year. A real man will see this as it is. If he dates me and makes it easier in my life, then the ex won't be a big deal at all.
ReplyDeleteSomeone on here said size matters and it does. Women, men sometimes are shy the first time together so don't judge the first time but the second or third should tell you something.
ReplyDeleteSavannah,
ReplyDeleteFriends of the opposite sex considering dating each other are getting an inside view of what dating would be like. My friend says that when she tries to let her "friend" know something he always responds in the negative and isn't an open individual. She also told me that if he doesn't like the service at dinner he's rude to the waiters and waitresses and it bothers her. I told her not to make a big deal about it but I'm friends with her on Facebook and see his comments and status. He is a negative notice me I'm a single dad kind of man. I've never met the man and see what she sees. I also see her old boyfriend on the site and think she'd be much better going back to him. He knows how to set the bar and make their lives come together. This friend which I think wants to be more doesn't know how to do this.
Yes it matters and is a huge indicator of a person. I met a woman right after a parent conference and she was all dressed up and motherly like. The second date she vetoed my choice of dining for a more informal place. She looked amazing in jeans and a t-shirt. First impressions are deceiving but also a good place to start a conversation about likes and dislikes and expectations.
ReplyDeleteCompeting with an old boyfriend and the nan was a cheater. I compete with a man that doesn't have good character and I do. I don't understand why women want a man like this. Is it a first date impression that makes the difference? I'm a simple man and like simple pleasures in life. Why does a woman need drama and worry to love a man?
ReplyDeleteWomen don 't need the drama. You are upset about feeling in competition but are you? You may be the one creating drama.
ReplyDelete