For two weekends in a row I decided to indulge in some social time with coworkers and this does include the holiday party. Out of the bunch I'm one of three single women and I'm the youngest of the three but not by many years. I look up to these women because they've raised their children completely solo and have survived many of life's challenges. One woman is a breast cancer survivor and the other has survived and persevered when life was hitting her hard. Surely you can picture this set up...enjoying some food, drinks, good company and great music when the next song began with, "First I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side." You know this tune "I Will Survive" and you've probably witnessed exactly what I did. The men and women began to get up and dance while singing their hearts out like they were on a mission to exorcise the haunting rejection of a bad relationship out of their minds and hearts. The rest of the group is all happily married and the three of us women were just laughing while watching the best of the best sing their hearts out. Next up on the DJ's list - "I'm Doin' Fine Now" and my boss had me up and dancing with the group. I guess by the reaction it was taking at least two songs for the exorsism to take hold. My mind began to wander while strutting my stuff - Who are these people singing about? How long ago was their heart so badly broken and why is it still living inside them? Do they feel they've gotten even since they've married? Why isn't the woman who survived breast cancer up and shouting it through the roof that's she's fine? I've been single longer than any of them and I don't have this need to exclaim that I'm doing fine now without anyone and/or that I will survive and why is this? When the DJ did take a break I inquired about the enthusiastic singing; the stories of regret, rejection and renewed hope in the one they married began to fly. Of course I was asked why I don't sing those songs with passion as they did even though I gladly sang along. Really, it boiled down to knowing I really was fine, there was closure in my past relationships and I didn't feel the need to convince anyone especially myself that I was copacetic with it all. The two other women gave that amen I hear you sister look when I spoke. DJ back at it again played the one song that does make me dance with passion and with no hidden reason but yet in this situation quite apropos for the others - "Mercy" by Duffy. This post hopefully won't squash your need to join in the battle cry and I'm happy to lend myself to the cause by holding the beer or wine bottle/microphone for you to get your groove on. But keep in mind that in some way this simple action can validate where one is in life and where one once was. So turn on the music, exorcise those demons in a healthy way and take your pulse. It might be your own self help program to recovery.
© 2010 Savannah Jones
You are a great writer the way you can convey these messages of hope and also reality. I have sung the "battle cry" many times to I will survive but this is the first time I've thought about why. I feel it's a reason to shout and celebrate that you are over someone and lived through the break up. I feel it means I did it and he didn't get the best of me. I have the best in life because I'm not with him.
ReplyDeleteLooking for advice I find you and you're my friend in real life. I am proud of you for branching out and becoming social with the coworkers. You know how to balance life and that's what I came here looking for. I put in about ultimatums in my Google search and here you are my friend. I've not told you about this ultimatum but I anonymously will now and hope that others will also offer up some advice. If I'm going to stay in the relationship I'm in then somethings have to change. Do I ultimatum him about it? In the end it's a question I'm asking when I ask if issues can be worked on and I'm sayin if it doesn't work it's over in so many words. Anyone can read through this but do I say you have so much time to think it over and give a deadline and an or else or do I just say what's on my mind and then what? I have nothing to back it up and let him know I mean business.
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I'm not doing well since my break up and I'm looking for advice. I know the guy I was with isn't right for me but it doesn't change that I love him and he loves me. He hurt me something awful and I wanted it over but had regrets because I wanted him. It's been a whole year and we began to talk. I can't tell my friends or they'll leave me. I don't have a support system and don't know what to do. I used to be on medicine and went back on it with my doctor's approval and it's helped me deal but I want to talk to my friends and can't believe how cold they are being. My family would just die if they knew what I was thinking and I can't tell them. This guy ruined my life but I still love him. I'm thinking I need to seek counseling since I'm not able to talk openly with my family at this point. What do you suggest? I want to be the person singing real loud that I've survived.
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Want to figure this out...
ReplyDeleteI hope you'll look back and read your comment and today looks different to you. Your second sentence says it all - you love the guy but he isn't right for you. He hurt you and of course there's no promise that it won't happen again and even if there was is it really something that can work out? You didn't mention how old you are but after awhile years can go by with the wrong person but you are lucky because you now realize this person isn't for you and you didn't marry him to find that out. I have a friend who also told me she'd have nothing to do with me if I took a man back into my life and she wasn't someone I spent a lot of time with. That point alone made me really think about this...if someone I don't see often cares enough about how I'm treated and can't take it, then certainly I should care. Sometimes people fall in love with the wrong person but if you continue down this road you will hurt your chances of falling in love with the right one. Things like broken relationships take time and if you're stuck and can't find a way out but need to talk, then going to a counselor is a good idea. The counselor would be able to help you find your way or at least examine why you are stuck. You do need to talk openly but with people who can help you move forward not just lend an ear or shoulder. Find what you like to do and let it take the place of this longing for the wrong person.
Savannah Jones
I really like how you wrote your post. I peruse blogs as a hobby and you have a talent for reaching a certain group of people. You need to follow this up and get it more exposure. I read many of these a day and I'm a regular to yours. Maybe you do this as a hobby and already are a published writer but if not you should get this out there and more public than this forum.
ReplyDeleteUltimatums never work out! Just talk to the guy about your problems and let the guy know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteYou've made a difference in how I look at people when they dance. I have sung my heart out to I will survive and felt good when I did but you are right there's a story to it. At least you wanted to know the story most people don't care what I've survived they are to busy singing their own song loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteSavannah,
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's the end of the year but this reflection time of knowing when personally an individual is doing fine without someone but not needing to scream it to the heavens is so cool. I remember the first time I sang for fun I Will Survive but didn't find the umph in it I knew I was doing fine too.
Savannah Jones,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your answer and suggestions. The next day I read what I wrote and the day did seem a little bit better. I feel it's about getting in control of something in my life. You give good suggestions with finding something I want to do and focus on it. It helps because I decided to clean out my house and change it up. Today I bought a new comforter set and bath arrangements like towels, rugs and vanity accessories. I added a lot of candles and scrubbed my bath until I felt you could almost eat out of it. Tomorrow I'm ringing in the new year at a spa that treats you overnight. There won't be any clocks and no celebrating. I decided to dip into my Christmas gift money and spend it like it was intended on myself. This is an assumption but if everyone there is like me I will meet others who will be able to make me stay upbeat. I agree with what you said and I know each day will be better than the one before I just needed to start in that direction.
Thank you for your help.
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I don't know if this qualifies but "It's Raining Men" is sung with a lot of passion and belief. When women are singing it there's a lot of women and no men but they sing their hearts out. I sing along with the group and now that I think it over I don't know why. I think that's something to think about.
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