"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." By Winnie The Pooh
Many come to this site looking for hope, answers and to not feel alone. Often we turn to our friends to tell us what we really already know but need validation. Sometimes we need to talk things through or vent just to see clearly. When it comes to relationships; there are so many who aren't sure where they stand with the one they love. There are many who are breaking up, getting divorced, needing to decide if staying or leaving is the answer. Others are looking for reassurance that the one chosen person is really the one that should be chosen. Do you doubt yourself or are you afraid that others look at your choices and doubt your ability to choose? The stress at work had been mounting and we have been bonding together to remind a newlywed to get home to her husband, the new mom to get home to her baby, and the single mom to move onto her kids and life that she's rebuilding as soon as work time is over. Sometimes these are the ones that tell me that going home can be worse than being at work or no need to rush home - there's no one worth seeing at home. This isn't to say that no one is home; just in their own mind no one worthy of seeing. Sometimes we forget how strong we are and most know when the smarts have kicked in but often feel others haven't quite gotten the message. As far as bravery goes...let's just say there are many who are brave in the face of adversity and I've seen even the weakest come through strong and full of courage. For some people getting up in the morning to face the day is a sign of bravery. Relationships are a daily job and a job that not everyone is up to. I was asked the following: What happens when you don't want to go it alone by way of giving up the past to be with someone who doesn't fit the same bill of the one prior? How to deal with the possibility of choosing kindness and security over love and connection but not letting on that it's why you chose the person? What is someone supposed to do when life has thrown him experiences not shared by many but are life changing experiences - where will connection fit in?
The last couple of posts created more questions/emails than answers and all I could think of is the great words of Winnie The Pooh. It also came to mind that many are not alone in their feelings and thoughts and for some that knowledge seems to comfort. When times are tough...remember the sweet bear reminding you that you can get through it and sometimes even wiser.
©2009 Savannah Jones
November 4, 2009
A bear with the right words...my favorite bear :)
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11 comments:
Savannah,
This is interesting the way you present it being stronger and braver and more than that. I am in a relationship and wonder how strong and brave will I have to be. I heard the guy I'm with is a cheater. He makes it sound like there was some gray areas that weren't understood and he didn't think he was cheating. He also says things happened and he wished it hadn't. He sounds really sorry but I asked him if the women would take him back and he said he never asked the women to. Why wouldn't you ask someone to take you back if you were really sorry? I don't know if I have the strength for this relationship. When he doesn't answer his phone I start worrying.
worried
Others look at my choices and doubt my way of choosing. Love this line. I want to quote it if you don't mind giving me permission.
I'm the type that looks for reassurance that I make the right decision to stay and when I leave a relationship I pick friends who'll agree with me. Those friends are the ones who make me brave and strong.
Savannah,
Relationships are a daily job and I don't know why men don't take it as seriously as they do their job. Do you or any men out there have an answer for this?
How am I going to get my heart repaired after a break up? Does anyone have break up advice. I was with a man in an unstable relationship for two years and I can't get over him.
A man still in love with a woman from his past looking for advice:
We dated but I wouldn't call it just dating. We were a married couple without being married. We took care of each other and each others children. We both had ex's who were lacking in parental bonds and responsibility. I've never bonded with a woman like I did with this woman. I've had a hard time finding someone I "click" with and feel the connection with. The woman I left and I had a connection that transcended time and age. We had our share of disagreements but we had more of the good than bad. I'd like to find a way to slowly show her that I've learned in my old age how to do this better. I know she has a difficult time finding someone like me and is trying to find a way to forget me. Before I'm completely forgotten, I'd like to work this through with her. Any suggestions?
We had a debate at work with our friend. We (mainly women) said if our friend could have her ex boyfriend come to her with a ring and get down on one knee after not being with her for months, she'd marry him. The debate was over if a man can realize he doesn't want to live without someone and feel desperate enough to propose. Most of the men said a man who leaves a woman he loves because he's convinced himself he can't be in this relationship or someone is offering a relief and he thinks this is the answer and takes it won't come back begging for marriage. The women thought if a man had that light bulb moment he'd do it because who wants to spend their life regretting ending a relationship. Both genders agreed that if thw woman breaks up the man won't propose out of nowhere. What do you think?
It's awful when you want to leave a relationship but don't think you're strong enough to do it. I have a friend who isn't in the best relationship. Her man has a temper but shows a steady side. She told me about a time when he acted like he was mocking her and picked a fight. She was so upset and was going to leave and take a different way home. Why would a man like this even stay with a woman if this is how he is and how do you get your friend to see this will happen again and again?
Sounds like break up advice is in order Savannah.
We don't give up the past because of the people in our future don't look as good.
The Chosen Person you wrote about.
There's a lot of truth in what you are saying today about who we choose and the difficulty to do it. I envy those who jump in and say they "just knew". I'm not sure how that works and the one and only time I chose someone and wanted him to marry, I ended up divorced. Life being life and wanting a better life, I searched for the right person. I've been divorced and dating for 8 years. I dated a man for 4 of those years and wanted to marry. He said he wanted to marry me. It didn't happen. We broke up. He asked me why being with him wasn't enough, why marriage? I don't know how a woman explains this to a man. I don't want anymore children and it's not about money. I want a husband and wanted it to be him. If he doesn't want me to be his wife then I feel that something isn't right and that's why I won't stay with him. It's a connection that's broken over marriage.
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