So there you are typing away on your laptop trying to find the words to say you're not happy but is it you or is it the other person? You type and type and think about your life...is this a priority right now to deal with or is there something greater in your life that makes this issue less of an issue to you? Maybe you're typing away trying to find the right words to say I miss you and I want you back. How many times do you repeat yourself and realize this is getting boring and not expressing what you are trying to really convey? You read it again and ask yourself if you'd take you back if you received this. What about that time you wanted to email all of your good and bad thoughts but when you reread what you typed and thought of the audience you saw that it was a moot point, so you saved it in draft for another day only to hit delete? Let's not talk about the accidental send button problem...that's been universal and not essential to the meaning of this.
We all do it; sit down to type out what we want to say and then hopefully save it first and come back to it at a calmer time. What if that time isn't coming anytime soon what should you do? I've always suggested sending a memo like email saying that you have something you want to talk about and you will within a certain (give the amount) of days. Silence is golden to those who haven't figured out how to use their words and to those who have heard it all already but not always golden to the person who doesn't know why he/she hasn't heard from you. However, we still type away, delete, cut, copy and paste to make it all sound right. I teach that if you give someone a pen and a thesaurus you've given them a mighty weapon when used together. Of course the kids I teach this to believe me when I start talking with the "big" words and they have no idea what I said but know it was important and then take notice. So what's the big deal; why so hard to just put it out there and say what you're thinking? I have such a respect for a person who let's you know what he/she is thinking and doesn't bottle it up. It says I care about you and want to share this with you even if it isn't the most perfect presentation. I also admire those who know that you need to really know and understand who is speaking to really know what is being said. Interpretation can be a key component in acceptance or detachment.
I haven't sent off any emails of great importance lately and don't plan to but I observe so many twist meanings of other peoples words in order to validate a feeling about a person or a hunch. It's hard to convey the right feelings in emails and letters sometimes but so easy for some to hide behind.
Feel free to share your doosies...
©2009 Savannah Jones
October 14, 2009
Okay people get it out in the open...
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11 comments:
Savannah,
I've typed a letter two or three times today to a man I don't even know but want to give him my piece of mind. He's a man who is dating my friend and my friend needs a stable loving man right now. This is a horrible horrific time in her life and to deal with such an immature man is awful. My friend has a feeling she knows why she's being ignored but it's up to the man to say it. Anyone who knows my friend would never assume she has a bad bone in her body. She's direct and has had to live things we've never lived and probably wouldn't know how. Her experience of dealing with kids is unmatched and even though the roofer always has a leaky roof it doesn't mean she can't see through others lives. She is pissed and that's putting it mildly that on top of a couple of kids she has to put up with a grown up acting like a child. She won't be the one to make him grow up by making it easy to speak to her either or it sets a pattern for future problems and solution ways. I'm upset because I need my friend to be happy and only worry about the immediate needs of her and her family's survival not some guy who got his feelings hurt and wants to throw in the towel because he doesn't know how to be tough and even ask for clarification. I will be taking a walk tonight with my friend to keep her mind off of the problems that lie ahead - where's he? Probably typing and deleting and typing and deleting but never sending and making it worse for my friend. All this has done is want to wipe him out of the marriage material catagory. He might be a bad boy in disguise.
Savannah,
Do the students you teach rewrite and rewrite? I teach and the words flow in a journal but not in a story. I was just wondering if the same was with you?
First to the person who was first to comment:
I wouldn't be sending any letter/email to a guy you don't know in order to "help" your friend. The path the man chooses to take is his choice and part of the process that his choices will set in motion. We can take things deeply personal or not it's how we choose - the woman can concluded that the immaturity has to do with her or she could conclude it's about him. You ended with that he's showing he's not marriage material. What does that mean to you? I know if someone is showing a lot of emotion and a lack of continuity in being there or at least contacting me, I'd say I'd think about this because people need to be able to communicate and I don't want to live with someone who is going to give me the silent treatment when upset with something. I don't care if he "needs" to "find his words". There are words that can be used in the meantime. I get what you mean about not needing another child and needing a man instead. However, you writing him isn't going to make it better and might make it worse. People talk out their problems with others in order to do a check on their own thoughts and that's perfectly acceptable, but you taking it one step further without your friend asking you to - that's too much for me.
Next,
We follow a writing process and use six trait writing. My students write endlessly in their journals and those are personal unless they want me to read it. The graphic organizers, rough draft and editing are all parts of the process and then there's the final paper. When kids have something to say; it's said. I like that in children and probably why I have more patience for them than most adults. Most of the kids I know don't like to keep it all bottled up so getting into their journals is really helpful. We also use the MELT process to relax first and gather thoughts.
Savannah Jones
I am one of those women that men call not easy. I don't mean in a sexual way either. I'm not easy to deal with. I'm easy to get along with. My old boyfriend wrote me today to talk about that. We stay in touch almost daily about life mainly. He said he knew I wasn't easy to deal with and my life isn't easy but he loves me and wants me back. He knows I am having a problem time and want some one who will be there for me always. I don't think he's ever really left me but I'm starting to think it over. He cheated on me and that is why it ended. He cheated on me more than one time and I took him back each time and then one time too many and I wouldn't come back. I've not gone back on my word to stay away but no one knows me like he does and I need him. I am ready to put up with the cheating if it means I have someone who loves me. Please help with advice.
did you write this because of the comments on ex's? people were writing in about what they would say to an ex or cureent partner to an ex and I feel that I type letters that I never send because I need to vent.
Savannah,
My friend that I have feelings for but am too young knocked em dead in our meeting early this morning. When you watch a woman like that in action it's something. She has a soft side but really is all about getting it done. I typed a few emails to her today that I couldn't send because why would she want to hear from me what I think of her? It's not what someone professionally should do I think. What do you think? The letters were of a professional admiration nothing more.
I work in a school setting and one of our teachers is a writer of creative writing. She thinks on her feet like really on her feet. She needs to keep moving to do this. I have tried to type a letter to my old boyfriend and asked her to do it. She said she'd help but it needed to come from me. I'm not good with words and do you know if there's a service I could pay to do this?
The lady in the first comment are you assuming the guy is ignoring your friend or you're sure he is? My friend called me and one other person tonight asking if each of us was okay. We both hadn't kept to our normal pattern of emailing or calling because for me/ I was sick and had no voice and slept most of the time and didn't feel like emailing. I appreciated the checking in on me. When she was hanging up she said she had one more person to check in on. She didn't assume anything other than something might be wrong keeping us from being us. She is also going through a very difficult time where her priorities are all about her kids and all of her friends initiate the emails and calls knowing there will be a reply but she won't be thinking to stay in touch if we didn't right now. It wasn't like that always but things have changed and there are challenges for her now. Maybe you shouldn't assume and maybe your friend shouldn't either before really knowing why your friend hasn't heard.
I got one of those emails a couple of years ago about a woman putting it all out there and letting me know she wanted me back. I was in a relationship and gave it up for her and now she's my wife.
what if you come from two different sides of the track but live only houses away now as an adult and see life differently because of different sides of the track as an upbringing? I can't put it into words what the difference is but it gets in the way of getting along and it's why I continue to date another man while dating him. I don't really like the other guy but don't know what to do.
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