So you're out of high school and thinking it won't matter what circle you were in because it's all an open world now; you can mix with whomever you like and "those people" will mix with you. The dating world is out there for you to choose beyond your standard circles and no matter which side of the track you grew up on; you've created your own world and one in which you hope to find someone that meshes with it. In education the teachers are told to develop common knowledge and background between the students prior to teaching the actual lesson. I've found that the real lesson is often in the process of developing a common thread between these students and their experiences. All go to the same school, but come from different sides of the track sort of speak. Like these kids; many adults speak of cultural differences, socio - economic differences, value differences and spiritual differences when talking about disconnects in their life as well as in their dating experiences. There's a want and a will to bridge these gaps but some find it difficult to do so. Others often spend many years in love with someone; all for it to come down to differences that can't be bridged due to upbringing, value systems, and a gap in philosophy in general. At this point communication might be quite difficult since there isn't this common ground of understanding. Where do you go with this? While watching Tuesdays With Morrie with a group of young teens; Morrie's aphorism of "love always wins" comes up in the movie and these teens laughed. I stopped the movie and said," what, no believers...why?" The differences that exist began flowing from their mouths as the pure reason why love doesn't always win. One teen told of a story of how a person can be so in love with someone for whom they are and what they stand for but not who they are while with them. So what do you do when you're from one side of the track and the person who makes your heart beat a little faster is from the other but as adults you're both on the same track? Does it matter, make a difference, or does it just all work out?
©2009 Savannah Jones
October 22, 2009
Does it make a difference?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
What makes this article different is you recognize the point of being in the same place today but growing up differently in the past. We find people like us today but the problems are because "those" people weren't like us in the past. I break up all of the time with men I love so much because we have different ways of doing things and thinking about life and what's important. We have different levels of discipline in our lives. Men are more like a discipline person and I'm a free spirit with grounded values.
The woman I loved the most but didn't marry is in the same profession my mom chose for a living. That used to bother me but I stopped and viewed it like a blessing. My love in life and my mom are alike and I know how to work that out. It didn't work out because I was someone who resented my mom at times for not being there for me and I took it out on my girlfriend even if she was always there. I was argumentative with her over nothing. I took my anger about my mom that was repressed on this poor woman and it cost me. We had the same background but didn't see life the same because I didn't want to. If I did, I'd be giving in to my mom. I had to work it out my issues with my mom to move to a better relationship.
Savannah,
No opinion on this of yours is given. Do you have one? Do you feel it's impossible to come from different backgrounds and get along if you are the same today?
I'm on board with this idea that it won't work but also on board that it's why you love someone so much i.e. the differences but also why a person leaves.
This does explain why you meet a person who's on your level today but wasn't and why it doesn't work out.
I'm a dad of two girls almost women now. I teach the girls to expect to be taken care of and to expect a man to provide. I also teach my girls the importance of self reliance. If my girls meet men who weren't brought up to be providers for the wife and kids then the girls will have a problem but I hope my daughters will know it's time to look elsewhere.
Your being nice about the whole subject but the truth in this is not just common interests but raising kids and blending families and beliefs. Money is a factor but some men are more thoughtful and more of the provider than other men and it makes a difference to women who have been raised with certain beliefs.
traveling comes to be a problem with my girlfriends. I like the best and most the women I date like it and then complain about the use of the money. Different ways of being brought up bring different problems when I come together with a woman. I married a woman from my area and we had children together. We raised them together. Now in our lives as divorced parents and dating we find it a difficult process to find someone who appreciates the arts as we do. My ex and I still take in culture together and still promote it in our kids. We wonder if we are setting our own kids up for a lonely time as an adult but you can't put a price on the experience of culture.
It makes a big big difference. the poor woman who wants the fairytale ending and gets it, does it last? We never see the to be continued part of the happily ever after story because it doesn't work out. No one liked the ending of The Break UP movie but no one liked it because there wasn't a happy ending and it picked up months later and it still wasn't a happy ending. If two people were brought up differently it won't last. Money issues will be the issue
It matters what circle you come from today and the past. I know what you mean about it not mattering but it does in real life. A man who makes it big as an adult still can have the small ways about him and a different way of viewing family. If brought up in families where mom stayed home you have a better chance of an emotional tie and understanding of others. I makes a difference in your personality what circle and who you are when you date. You are a sum of all your experiences.
Post a Comment