Does there even need to be a "devil" in this equation at all? Lunching with friends, we were given a test of sorts. We were told to look at some pictures of our friend with two different men and our objective was to decide from these pictures the one that would love her the most. Both men had offered her a marriage proposal and she couldn't decide. It sounded like a deal was being made but she cared for both men and didn't know what to do. She also knew that once she made a decision, one of the men could no longer be in her life. I did what I do best...I made a list. Obviously there were the pros and cons but also what would be the best fit for her. Judging from the pictures and the list of compatibility, we made a decision. From the beginning of this process which I had realized I needed to take more seriously, I had tried to look into the eyes of the man that was in the discard column. I couldn't get a great view of him because his eyes were focused on some woman off to the side. It bothered me that he was with my friend but the eyes were somewhere else. I kept in mind that this literally is just a snapshot in time and not the rest of her life. I wasn't thrilled with the options presented and excitedly asked if there were any other pictures of any men asking her to marry in that big purse of hers. You could tell it seemed like a preposterous idea that one would be given two choices and think outside of the box for other options or suitors. My point was why did it have to be either one of these men just because they were asking? If she was madly in love or felt there was a true long future with either, we wouldn't be choosing this, we'd be congratulating her and only knowing of one of the men. Finally, in some quiet moment that idea was brought up and discussed. She didn't marry either man and life went on. The question of what else is out there kept coming up and seemed to be the catalyst for this picture matching game. I felt like it was the Richard Simmons "Deal A Meal" program where we ran out of cards and therefore were done choosing for the day. Many times I'm asked if I look at my life now and see why some people who were in my life would not have been a good idea for the future...certainly I do. Even though others will remind me that there are those in my life still available, I often remind them that I might not have met the love of my life yet and the best is yet to come - why does it have to be that people fish in the so called "devils" they know pond and what makes them better than the "devils" they don't know? (just playing devils advocate)
Debate away...
©2009 Savannah Jones
13 comments:
Oh baby that's the jackpot answer. I'm so tired of women whining about this guy or that guy why not find a different guy or let that guy find you women. I don't get it and never will. I'm friends with women at work and it's the same thing daily bitch and bitch about men in their lives but cut them loose or suggest it and you are the bad guy. These women can't see there's someone else out there who wouldn't do this or whatever.
What you're saying is go spread your wings and venture out because if you ain't getting what you want where you are what's the difference if you try something new. If it ain't working and you tried to fix it, leave it and venture out.
My neighbor tells me this phrase everytime I want to move. He says that no matter what there's not gurantee that my new neighbors won't bother the hell out of me too. My come back is - there's no gurantee they won't but this group of neighbors it's stamped in stone that this is how it is.
Playing devil's advocate...very cute Savannah.
I agree with you about looking or thinking outside the box when faced with picking one okay guy and another okay guy. We face different challenges then in the times when matchmaking was a career and people were traded for dowry's and such. Arranged marriages did or didn't work. Affairs were probably more in the day than now. Marriage isn't cheap and divorce is more expensive than ever. I agree don't settle for something that is nice but not right. No one ends up the winner. I assume your point is men exist and women exist outside of our everyday world and if we set ourselves free from nice but not working for you, it will find us. I like that.
I'm comfortable in my not wonderful life with my guy. I live with him and we aren't getting married. I gave up on it and I'm fine with it. I want a life different than his but we love each other and share our lives but have other lives that we don't share. I use the phrase you have on this site in refrence to why I'm with him.
I'm dating a woman and taking our time with getting intimate. She doesn't want to be with me until she knows for sure. Am I supposed to marry her when that happens?
Savannah,
Are you thinking out of the box or giving us something to think about? I've gone back to the same man more times then I'd like to remember. I also had a guy in between him that I'd return to when the other relationship would end. I couldn't decide between the two. I wanted to marry "man A" but he didn't want to stay with me over and over. I'd start dating "man B" He wanted to stay with me but I believe it was to keep me from going back to the other man. Both men loved me and both men weren't going to marry me. I could do this yo yo life forever because it's what I know and it's comfortable. It's also really great and exhilerating when you keep falling in love over and over and remember why you love each other. To think out of the line of the two men would be like cheating. I have settled for less and it's because it's all I know and it's the way my life has been. It's hard to think of changing the way the cycle has gone. I know I need to.
To the third comment - my dad always says the same thing about neighbors. I want my neighbor to move over a tree problem we have. No one thinks it's a big deal but I do. I want him to move and I've thought of leaving. The phrase makes me not move since I know how to deal with this guy.
Savannah,
People real specialist people say that a picture can tell you if a couple will make it or not. Your friend was right to have you look at the pictures but you are also right. When someone is really happy about being someone, they want to shout it from the rooftops and can hardly sleep from the excitement. I remember my brother calling almost the second after he was engaged. He was so happy and positive but had so many calls he wanted to make. I think he spent the first day talking to others instead of his fiance because both were crazy in love and had to tell. Your friend should have seen that in the picture. I don't know the book name that tells you how to read a photo but it's out there.
What do you mean you had to take this more seriously? Why wouldn't you take it seriously? I can see why but want to know your answer.
THANK YOU Whenever a guy and I break up my friends go through the list of all of the men still single that I know and know they'd date me. I also have dated some or most of them. I tell them there's other fish in the sea and they tell me that I'm fishing in pond scum but isn't that where the first set of fish came from. Some of the friends are single but most are unhappily married. My two happy married friends tell me to wait it out and I'll find the one for me otherwise I might be married still looking and can run an Ashley Madison commercial of my own.
Savannah,
When I look in a mirror I see a beautiful woman with so much to offer a man. I know "I'm all that". I have had four long long relationships and only one marriage to my ex. I'm in great shape and I have a great personality but I am on a scale an 8 maybe 9. I've gone to dating coaches, counselors, and psychologists but each wants my money and tell me they could keep taking it but it's about finding the one for me. One counselor told me to stop looking and get involved in life- my own. I did that and found long relationship number 4 but no wedding ring. We broke up because he knew I wanted to be married and he kept making it harder and harder to reach. I'm not hopeless feeling because I feel good about myself and know that it's not my time right now but I feel it. I'm not writing in for advice but I want to give it. For all of the women out there and men too who are thinking something is wrong with them and that's why this is so hard-- it's just not the right time but use the time to make it all o.k. Just because others want you married for their own selfish reasons and would have you marry someone you were unhappy with to fix it, or all of the friends who say they want you married because they want to see you happy-- remind them you are happy but you need to find the right one for you and even if you did but he or she didn't want you, then it wasn't the right time.
Third comment up:
I didn't take it seriously at first because if you think about marriage and someone you'd want to marry; you've probably been dating the person. We didn't have a clue about these two men. We never heard much about them and certainly hadn't thought either one would be an option for marriage. I realize there are many who sit at office computers with their co workers and surf the dating sites together giving opinions but this just seemed strange. When I realized this was something my friend was seriously considering and wanted to...I went with it.
Savannah Jones
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