Come Back To Me by David Cook is a great song and by the end of it, you're in it, wanting it to be true, and hope if you need to find yourself - your partner will wait for you. So I was asked what I think of this song. Coincidentally, I was blasting the song in my ears, singing along while working on this site sitting outside in the sun when the comment came through. First, I like that the words acknowledge the need for a person to find oneself if when looking into the mirror they feel lost and disconnected from whom they see looking back at them. No blame is being added to either party in the song - I like that too. Well...it's romantic to think that someone loves you so much to accept that you need to go off and find you on your own and he/she will not only wait for you theoretically, but also will leave your things right were you left them. I'm assuming your picture will stay right where it was and the man/woman isn't wanting anyone but you so, no need to be in a hurry in general. I love the lines, " I can't get close if you're not there. I can't get inside if there's no soul to bare." When David Cook is singing you are probably thinking...he gets it. Someone needs to work on some things and find who they are but instead of being bitter and sabotaging the effort with emotional blackmail, a supportive approach is taken and if this is really love, no one else will do. How romantic and loving? Here's what happened the first time I heard it...I thought can this be real? This man is saying he'll wait. He didn't say, no way, I'm not putting my life on hold while you find yours. Nothing was said to the effect of - you go find yourself and I'll find others any way I can. While listening I began to envision her pictures still on the dresser and throughout the house. I even began to wonder what if a guy I hypothetically had once dated kept my pictures out in the open where we left them, never looked for anyone else, worked on himself while I worked on my things, and waited for me. If you've ever had to say to someone that you need to find yourself, then you know it's usually a break up and not an I'll wait approach reception. Does the waiting and stand by you approach mean the love is any more real than a person who says I can't stand by while you go off to find yourself? If you've ever been this person needing the time away, in theory you might be swept up in the song and the understanding that a person sometimes needs to do this. But, you might also smile as I did at the thought that it might be possible to be in a relationship where someone will honestly and loyaly wait and actually be capable of coming through with the promise to be there. The song sweeps us off our feet because we all dream of this at some point when we decide that maybe we need some time. It also helps sell CD's.
What are your thoughts?
©2009 Savannah Jones
August 5, 2009
It's all there in a song...
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19 comments:
You got me...not what I expected to be the answer. I figured you would have some advice about how to be that man.
I can't give advice as to how to be that man - that's something that exists in a person or not. I haven't ruled out that there is such a man but as I get older I have noticed that the single men that are older too, don't seem to feel that the hurry thing worked for them. They are still alone, looking, waiting, and trying to find the one. But, you ask each of those men about "the one" and it's the one that got away because they were too busy looking elsewhere, not appreciating what they had, trying to upgrade, hoping the woman would cave before they had to. I've listened to so many men do the if only I hadn't been. I RARELY hear a woman say that. Most women feel they were duped. Some guy did something and it was over and should have been. It might have even taken years for it to end but it ended and the woman decided it wasn't for her. Women do things that end relationships don't get me wrong but at least in my life, I've heard very few say one got away and really believed it and if only she had waited.
Savannah Jones
I wish I had waited for a woman who I dated only a few weeks but on the second date, I knew. I told her I knew I would marry her. I could tell she had a checklist and I wasn't it, but we clicked in all ways except money. I didn't have what it would take and she needed a man with money not a lot of money but enough. I assumed all of this and she didn't break up with me she asked for space to figure out some stuff. I didn't give her that space and so I assumed money was it and found out almost a year later it was that I didn't give her the time she needed. If I had she'd have come back sooner. We met for dinner and I was thinking about getting married to someone else. I loved this woman and in a short time I would have married her. I don't know if she thinks I'm the one that got away but she's the one that asked for dinner so I think I was her got away one. It bothers me to this day that I didn't ask her. I went ahead and started living with my girlfriend and we plan on marrying soon. It haunts me about this woman. Did I not understand and she really wanted me and I should have waited or was it not for her at all and I did the right thing? Our meeting for dinner was more about closure than getting together but I don't know if she was crushed by me getting married.
Savannah,
You picture a picture of the person staying there and when I read this I thought of a man I dated who got divorced and had to move into a new house. He splits custody of his two kids equally. There is a picture of his ex with the kids in the house and it's wrong I think to do this. What do you think? Does it mean he isn't over her? What do you think about the psychological part of this? I dated him a short time but I always felt he wished he was still a family and couldn't get over it.
Picture person above me:
I'm not a licensed behaviorial specialists in any way. My own personal non-professional opinion and experience is this - When I got divorced, I was told that it's important to remove the pictures of us as a married couple and family and for a short time like a few months to keep the pictures of the kids with their dad out in the open if those pictures were already there. After a few months and some new pictures of our new life as a family of three when with me, I replaced those pictures. I immediatly put the other pictures in the kids bedroom and their play area. I also took out photo albums and put a few in their rooms to look at. My kids were young when we divorced and this was the advice. I do feel that like you walking into someone's house and seeing the picture is a little odd but that's just me and apparently you. The specialists that I dealt with felt that we three are a family and no one is missing and I felt the same. When they were with their dad that was a family of three as well and I wasn't missing from the picture. We did take a picture or two of all four of us for school projects and when it got out dated we took another one for the kids to use on their family posters but that's about it. We haven't and won't be experiencing any future events together so I couldn't tell you for sure what I'd do at that time. I completely understand what you are saying and I know that it's an uneasy feeling to see that photo but as far as what it means...I couldn't tell you. I asked someone once who did this and he said it was a family picture and he wanted the kids to be able to have it. When I mentioned putting it in the kids room, he didn't like that idea. Others who know him though say like you did about your friend, that he wishes they reconcilled.
Savannah Jones
A bit of a challenge Savannah for me is I want to know if the woman I'm in love with was this way with a man from her past. I find her controversial. I find her stubborn, I find her sometimes hard to get along with and I find it hard to be intimate with her unless she's loaded. I need a woman's point of view to tell me if I'm imagining this or not. I think the guy she was with was less patient than I and wouldn't deal with not getting any and wouldn't put up with her quickness and lack of understanding. Is there a way for me to ask this directly to her or do you think that's wrong? I can't imagine it being loving and intimate and her being both ways talkative. She can be so biting and I can't see a guy like she had putting up with that.
I met my friend for dinner tonight and we haven't been together in so long. She's great to hang out with. We talked about this site and we looked at it with her laptop and decided that picture guy should take this advice that Savannah said. We've both been there and done that and there shouldn't be these lingering aspects of a family. When a man or a woman has a picture of his ex spouse and kids even if it's so the kids feel comfortable, it's saying I loved my whole family when it was together. The other issue with this from a woman's standpoint is that I don't want to see the ex or know the ex until I'm well into the guy AND his kids. This picture of ex with the kids belongs with the kids only in their rooms.
Next, I love this song. I also want to think about my ex boyfriend being the one who waited for me. He didn't. I had things I needed to get out of my system and he was blocking me from doing it. I had to leave and he wouldn't wait. WHen I hear this song my heart melts and I picture him waiting.
Savannah,
The answer doesn't dissappoint at all. I like your take on the song. I don't know why someone wanted your opinion and was wondering if you know why? My advice to the first person's comment is be who you are and if you love someone let them go but don't set them free of you and think if it happens again that's great. Hold onto them with a very loose line and still be holding the end of it when she returns. That's love. It's saying I'll let you go but I won't let you go. You get it I hope.
The one that we let go because we weren't patient enough and now regret that we didn't wait is the reason we marry the next one. come back to me I hope for on many days but not all days. On many days I wish the woman I let get away would call me and ask me to come back and forget it all, then I figure she's sitting somewhere happy to not be with me because anyone who would let her go without marrying her doesn't deserve her. It's not all about love but the older I get the more it's all about love. I also want to travel but it's about love because if she loves you, she'll care for you when you can't and it's love. I also looked at your article before this and I have thought why not call her and say I was thinking of her and called to say goodnight. It's been a year and we haven't talked but I know she's not dating anyone. What do you think about it?
Above:
I don't like to tell someone to not do something they think is nice and then they might have missed out on a chance...the question is a chance at what? You said it's been a year and that's a pretty long time to go by and not talk. If you don't have any false hopes for anything to be followed up and it really is just to say hello or I'm thinking of you then I guess no harm done. A couple of days ago I found out that a guy had in the past text me a note saying he was thinking about me and to let him know if I was interested in getting together to talk. I never received the text so of course I didn't respond. If I wasn't dating anyone, it's possible I would have told him to call me. We are friends but we had gone on our own for awhile I guess dating others. Don't assume someone has received your messages if you leave on by text or even email. You can leave a message if you need on voicemail and see what happens. A year is a long time if you haven't stayed in touch in any way is all I'm thinking.
Savannah Jones
Savannah,
I called a woman I had dated a long time ago and asked her if the picture of my ex freaked her out and that's why it ended. It did! She said that I was unclear with my feelings about my ex and wanting her to be something (my ex that is) that she wasn't when we were married and wasn't after. I had a picture of my ex and my three kids on a table in my living room. She told me it haunted her that I didn't understand that it wasn't my family anymore and it was the kids so it belonged with the kids in their room and not out in the open for everyone. She tried to make me see it with the example of her ex boyfriend is still in her kids lives and goes to their soccer games and what if she had put that picture of the kids with him out on the table. How would I feel about it. Her ex boyfriend is more of a dad to these kids than the dad. The kids have a picture of him in their room holding a trophy with each of the kids.
I wanted you to know that you were given good advice and passed along good advice. I do think back then I was still hoping to be a family and when I got over hoping I was just missing it.
Is there a way to put why a person who leaves a comment comes to this site in the first place? Are they a regular reader or fill in the blank. I'd like to know what makes certain people look for certain tags and others are regulars. I came to your site months ago for nice guy stuff and now I find your site for other things like rebounds, and ultimatums. You aren't the only site I go to but I like this format. I also noticed you have regulars and some friends. Is there a way to do this?
What happened to believing that we are worth waiting for? Of course there's a man out there who will wait for me to get my sh-t together why wouldn't he? He might be the reason I don't have it together so why would I want him to?
No one said you would want a man who is throwing you off balance to wait for you.
Savannah Jones
Challenge man 6th one down. I have to tell you this story and I hope you will take away from it a lesson that you might need to learn at least it sounds like you do. My closest friend had an amazing relationship intimately and mindfully if it makes sense to use that word. These two couldn't get to bed fast enough and couldn't find enough time to talk and share. I wasn't allowed to any dinners because I'd be intruding on the brain sex and then cause her not to have as much real sex later by taking up their time. She didn't need anyone but him. I couldn't even exercise with the two of them because the exercise promoted more intellectual discussions and all personal discussions were always a back and forth discussion not a debate. They learned from each other. Life was talked about and their thinking was disgustingly the same. They came from the same philosophy point of view - buddhist stuff that makes sense but I never caught on because I'm too bitter and too fact based to believe that anything higher could lift me and make me a better person. It's probably why I'm alone and my biggest relationship after marriage lasted four months. This woman and man broke up and she began dating others and so did he. OMG you wouldn't believe the hard time she gave one guy and couldn't believe how negative another one seemed. Both lacked a sense of higher power and philosophy and both would accept no as an answer when anywhere. She sited a department store issue to back that example. She is bothered when she dates that the connections aren't there and that most are negative. My friend has been through more negative than most and is most positive compared to many. She had to get "loaded" to be with any man except the guy she used to date. She didn't want to be lit when she was with him. She liked it pure and raw with him. All emotions open fully she used to say. I wanted to love someone with all I had like she did this guy. She was also hurt like she'd never been hurt before by this man. I read this site because it's about real life but that's the real life of one woman and different men. It might just be you and not her. Do other women have this with you and how long was your longest relationship? I am very envious of this friend. I feel bad for her that the one guy who made it all come together for her also made it all go away but I learned alot about relationships and back and forth communication from them. They finished each others sentences and he didn't interupt to do it. The two were so much alike in getting things done. Both were people who take on responsibility and knock it out right away. I am trying to work on these traits so I'm envious. I am the same with most the people I date. I have sex too early and I am hard to talk with. My friend isn't but a couple of guys make it hard to deal with because she doesn't like their lack of philosophy to guide them and it makes a difference. I didn't think it did but even I am being converted in thought.
Challenge man:
I'm not going to go as far out there as the comment above me. Each person brings out different characteristics in each other and others build on better ones that two people share. The ultimate I think people look for is the same philosophy about many things not just Buddhist ideas or religious beliefs but those systems do teach a way of thinking that if employed and shared would make sense why two people have found a meeting ground to begin to work on being partners. A comment today was made from a woman who considers herself to be a night person and her boss is a morning person. She said she could just smack him and already it will cause issues unless he meditates. If he meditates he's okay with her because he'll be more centered and calm and will work with her. The stories she told reflected thoughts and stereotypes of an uptight person and an open person. One came from a postion of distrust and Murphy's Law while the other was more open to going with the flow. The conversations weren't flowing. She said she listened to a different person talking to her boss and everything had a rhythm and flow. She chalked it up to positive morning energy between the two. I thought about dating situations and those that are always cheery no matter what and those that are waiting for the next shoe to drop no matter what. It's clear this woman had something that you aren't having with her and someone else did. I asked someone else to tell me what they would say to this and they said if only the other guy to talk...just what would he say? There's some truth to this somewhere I'm sure.
Savannah Jones
Savannah and guy who wrote about his girlfriend and other men. I dated a woman who had to drink to have sex with me. She told me she couldn't have sex unless she did. I didn't ask her until months later if that was the case with her and a man she used to date. Guess what? Man, she didn't have any trouble with the other man. I'm into pain so I asked her why she thought this. She said he reached her in ways I didn't and they had something together that couldn't be matched as far as brains and thinking goes. The talk was the foreplay and the sex came later. She said she could call to tell him something and the discussion would sail. If she called me I just say that's great or good for you. That's true I don't know what questions I'm supposed to ask or what else to say. There isn't a lot of those deep talks she used to have and missed I think. Don't ask a woman why she was more of anything with another man unless you need to know in order to move on or to know if it even was more than with you. She was seduced by this man during the day through constant email and talks and later through just knowing how to think the same. The sex was mind blowing she said. her mind was already gone when we had sex because she was drunk to do it. That's it man, ask or not.
Personal experience,
I had a man in my life that was like my twin. We had extremely great talks and had extremely good sex. Then I dated another man and he was younger. We had a lot of fun and laughed and had great sex that went on for days. I dated a man that was a little older and we had amazing sex and amazing friendship. The next guy I dated was everything to me. I met my new twin. We were bonded in life and came from the same philosophy of life and love. We still broke up and the sex went on after the break up. The next man after that, I couldn't stand. He was negative, still in love with his ex, didn't really push for anything in life and accepted being less of a person and not an enlightened person. He whined the most about stuff and one little part of adversity would get his panties all in a bunch. He madly loved me so I drank and drank in order to sleep with him. He didn't have the girth that the other men had and I had to drink more to be satisfied with less. I went back to my ex husband for the everything else. We haven't remarried and we won't but he cheated and I left him and now I don't care that he cheat. The last guy convinced me the ex was best. If I have to say how or why I'm on this site then I'm on this site because I wrote in David Cook and relationships trying to see if he was married and can't stop reading. This is a great place to stop and have coffee or latte.
Savannah,
I'm from the point of view that if we want something we don't let it go. We never let it go and we work and work on it. If a woman wanted to work on herself without me but asked me to wait I would. Most women in my own opinion and view don't ask for someone to wait in order to test the waters. The women do try to work on who they are. A man asking is different. My view only again, men want to test waters when they say they have some exploring of self to do and want you to wait. They need to know there's someone leaving a light on while they open their hearts to others in case it gets broken.
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