Should you be proud you can outlast the rest? People in relationships often have to learn the boat will rock and knowing how to weather the storms is a survival skill. But what does this really mean? So you have the ability to stick it out with a man or woman who says that being exclusive right now isn't on the menu and even though you would like a monogamous relationship; the one you love would like to explore options. Therefore, you sit by and hope that by showing your strength and belief in the relationship - you'll come out the winner. He'll choose you and life will be grand...right? When I hear a woman shouting from the roof top that the guy she's been wanting a commitment from finally commits after saying he needed space and used it to date others, I think to myself, " Woo hoo, you won the guy who couldn't commit, didn't think you were worth the time, and after no one was left standing you looked the best. Hope that works out for you." I'm not saying it's all supposed to go so smoothly and seamlessly but there's ups and downs and then there's being taken for granted for a long long time. I've watched some people feel guilty when the relationship ends. They feel guilty that the communication wasn't clear even though it really was, there's guilt for not having the energy to wait out the problems, and guilt for leaving and putting their own needs first, then feel even worse that they chose to leave someone they really deeply love to do this. But who is the winner here? Is it the person who stays or the person who goes? Are you a better person for sticking this out or a better person for knowing when to leave? Sometimes people get so focused on the goal that they can't see the problems that lie within. Some spend so much time with the wrong person hoping to win but win what? Does it really mean more when you've whined, complained, nagged and eventually ultimatum to get what you want? If you have to do all of that is this really the person you want? The fixation on the wrong person impedes the effort of ever finding the right person. In fact, when having tunnel vision, one often can't see when the right person walks by.
©2009 Savannah Jones
August 27, 2009
Do you want to be the one still standing?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
41 comments:
What if the person you want to be with is in transition or in the meantime. She doesn't ask you to wait, but she doesn't tell you that you're wasting your time either. When does patience and understanding become stubborness and ignorance?
Great observations and I like the ending and how you wrote it. I have guilt about leaving a man. The man in question never treated me equal to anyone else he cares about. I felt like I came second at all times. Then the guilt comes because Iknow he loves me and I love him but my friends tell me I won't notice a whole lot of difference because he was a pain in my side with the way he treated me. I hope their right. I also think I stuck it out too long thinking if I did I won it and earned it so it will stay. Nothing is forever and there's no reward for staying with something that is bad and you don't feel this person cares about you.
What if you stand by someone who has asked for time to figure things out. The woman is dating anyone at all. She really is showing progress with all that she's doing and said she'd do. Do you stand by her and hope you win her or what?
I stay in contact with my old girlfriend. I do this so when she's ready to date, she'll see I was here all along. I asked her last night what's going on with other men. How does it work out connecting to them. She can't connect and sees so many problems with the men she's had around by not dated. I know how to make her tick and I take over and take charge and these men don't. At what point do I ultimatum and tell her I'm all in so take it?
I met a woman on match.com and can't figure out why she put herself on there if she was into this other man that lives more than an hour away from her. He treats her like sh-t and that's who she wants. Does she think she can convert him to be better and it's the winning idea do you think? I stay with her hoping I'm the prize and she'll figure that out but I do think it makes me stronger and more worthy.
Great point about winning. I think my ex girlfriend was all about being married for money and status and not for love. I know she loved me but loved the money and status more. I don't think either of us won.
Can we ever really know the difference between a transistion or a meantime. I was told it was that in a meantime the person can do and be with other men and sleep with them but in a transistion period there is change and no dating or sex with other men. I am asking this because of the first comment. I consider myself in transition but was told I'm in a meantime because I do have sex with a friend sometimes with the understanding that I have things to work on within myself.
To the guy who wants to ultimatum -DON'T! You don't want to ultimatum someone who has chosen to not be dating you. Even though you are in contact with her and she can't find someone to connect with, giving her an ultimatum isn't going to change anything but make it a forced situation. If she's really interested she'll let you know in subtle ways or possibly she'll just come out and tell you but from what you wrote it doesn't sound like something she's interested in right now.
Savannah Jones
To the first and third man on here:
My understanding and non-professional opinion is that a woman in this position has already come to terms with what she might miss out on in order to pursue what she needs to. If there is actual accomplishment in those areas and/or moving forward in the things she needed to work on, then she's telling the truth to you and if she's not dating as in the third man's comment then she really is trying to do what she set out to do without interference and distraction is my guess.
As far as "when does patience and understanding become stubborness and ignorance?" When you let it happen that way. I know that in my own life when taking some time out, I watch those around me very carefully align themselves. There's the helpers, the people who care and tell me to let them know what they can do, and then there's the take charge people who take my ideas and make them come to fruition. Those are all very different types of people but I notice that the ones who help by jumping in and getting involved with whatever it is I want to do, those are the people who aren't wasting their time. They make themselves get connected and put themselves in postions to be irreplaceable and possibly unforgettable. If they are part of a great growing concept or project-you share something and have more time together. This site was started in such a manner a couple of years ago. The ones who want to remind me that they have frustrations and such or go back on their words during this time, those are the ones I don't feel get it and therefore it probably is a waste of their time if what they hope for is a relationship with me at the end. I feel that women let others know when they are interested and even though we all like knowing people care about us; I'd like to believe we'd be honest to someone and let them know if they don't think when they come out of this time they'd want them there. Time is an interesting variable. It isn't a control.
Savannah Jones
Third guy out there on the site, stick with it, if she's not dating anyone she's doing her thing. She didn't lie to you and she's becomeing a better person who'll be better when she comes out of this or moves into this.
No one wins if that's what you're asking. And to the first guy who commented if you care about someone then time and dating don't change that. If you think you're wasting time then you don't really care if you get her or not. If you think you can find someone you'd want more than go find her and if the other woman is still there she's there but does it really matter if you're thinking there's someone else better than you should leave anyway otherwise stay because you have nothing to lose not even time. If she is ignoring you then you are wasting your time.
Savannah,
I have this friend and she's taking a break from dating to pursue dreams and family. There are a few guys that wait for her to get this done. All are patient and all have other things like kids keeping them busy but one has time. The one who has the time is the one who can connect and reach her the best but he takes his time and the ones who don't she says the flow isn't there. When she's expecting a call she's let down, and when she wants to do something she does't know the guys have plans already. She often says to me that she should know these things and there should be more than random calling she should be seeing now what she can count on later. She has these great dreams and ideas and the only one who jumps on it is the old boyfriend. He's willing to help but he helps by really doing some leg work without her having to ask. He shows he believes in her and if he does this it is hard to be rid of him because he has his touch in everything. I don't care for the guy all that much but what are you supposed to tell a friend when the only man who can come through is the one that's not a good choice? She struggles with the other men because it's she says comes down to her announcing her dream or desire and the men tell her to let them know what they can do. It's a let down to her. These other men are controlling and ironically I think they think her old boyfriend is but he isn't. He didn't need to be with her. He was relaxed with her and loving and she was the most loving we've ever seen with him. He's not right for her and I want to shove these other two men into action before she takes the old boyfriend back but she is in this meantime of life and doesn't want to date and these guys can't figure out how to stay in the game. Do you have advice for these men and I can direct them to the site?
Hmmm....meantimes and transitions. This reminds me of when I was newly single again and didn't know the difference between a drunk dial and booty call. Once I had been drunk dialed and confused it with a booty call so I hung up on this distraught boyfriend from the past who wanted me to know he couldn't live without me and was missing me. My friends had to set me straight on this the next morning. Transitions and meantimes are somewhat the same. I don't know if sex figures in or not in either one of them. What I do know is a transition is a change and is also progress. You can look at someone in transition and see either both or one - change and/or progress. A meantime is just that it's in the meantime this is what I'm doing sort of comment. I can't have what I want so in the meantime... I don't want a serious relationship so I just have casual friendships type comments. That isn't my own declaration these are just examples. While waiting you could begin something new and have progress and change but then it really does become a transition.
Savannah Jones
Savannah,
I have some advice for the first person. My old girlfriend left me after standing by my side after I lost my job. She waited until I was on my feet again and then gave me a few months and when I didn't propose or hint of marriage she left after a long discussion of what has changed in our priorities. It was the most grown up conversation I had in my adult years. Real truths and honesty came pouring out of me and well, she had always been honest. I had to own up to not ever wanting to marry period anyone not just her but any woman. When I was ready to marry, I still pictured her. Your comments made me reflect and wonder why her patience and understanding didn't outweigh my stubborness and ignorance? I don't know if I'll have that answer. The woman is a gal who believes in stepping stones and learning. She believes in a spiritual higher power that we need to learn certain lessons and there are people who come into our lives to teach us. I think she came into mine for this reason. She's probably a little peeved about that but it made me learn to be there for someone else and I know someone else was there for her when she needed it for a few years. All good karma but we had to do without one another for it to happen. I think she has a more steady approach to life than I. I also think she feels a positive feeling with her actions during our relationship where I was left to doubt my hard headedness. It cost me, but as she put it, she didn't want to spend a life with someone who was that hard headed so it all worked out.
A few drinks and I'm writing in. I'm a guy who won't be the guy still standing but I'm the guy who will be the one that no one can live up to. I am the same guy that lost the girl because I wasn't that great of a guy. Now how does that make sense? I can't find anyone who can hold a candle to this woman but that's my punishment. I wonder what is a win for this woman and what isn't. I know she had to let me go and I think she considers that an improvement and I don't blame her, but I lost and in some ways so did she. She was understanding and I wasn't. She was stubborn about making sure she had a good relationship and I was stupid about how to give one. She was smart to get out and I was dumb to let her go. I don't think I could have stopped her. I didn't ultimatum but I did use the last token that I didn't know was the last. I guess I'm trying to be wise and pass on wisdom to the others by saying that if you leave make sure you want to but I was a very productive boyfriend with this woman so my other advice is if you're going to be in then be in.
I wish I had the chance to outlast the others. I wish I was bitchy enough to do it. I noticed that the bitchy women are the ones who get the men. I get men but not marrying men. Bitchy women are married and nice women aren't. I think of my sisters and sister in laws that are married. Even my brothers married bitchy women and my sisters are known as bitchy and I am known as the smiling nice one. I was married in my early twenties and divorced before I was thirty. I am now in my fifties and still single. I get in long relationships but marriage doesn't happen and then I leave.
There are smart people who know when to leave. They dream of better days in a relationship but know it's time to leave. If someone doesn't tell you that you're wasting your time then to the best knowledge of the person you aren't. I think that can change and i wouldn't hold anyone responsible if it did years later but if you're in the picture then make sure you stay in.
Sixth person up from this response:
I don't think you can make or force people to become something they aren't. I too know people like all of the men you describe and I know what you mean in how it makes a difference depending on the type of woman you are. I like to get things done. I like to be productive and if I throw an idea out there (I don't have as many resources as I do ideas) I like when someone jumps in and gets as excited as I do or at least pretends to by doing some research and such and helping but not waiting to be asked to help. Again, this site was an idea that got mentioned sort of as an off handed comment. Since this site I now have three others that I don't give out the names to. Some people were encouraging but others went out of their way to make sure to get traffic to the site flowing and others made sure it was working properly. However, there were those who said for me to let them know what they could do. I didn't bother much with those people regarding the site. It's much better to deal with those who want to be involved and do it. Does it make a difference in getting close to someone - you bet it does. Think about your work...if you have a project that you and your co-worker are excited about and you both tackle it head on, you remain partners and work closely getting to know one another. I think one of the hardest things for some people is seeing an opportunity in a routine conversation and stepping out of the routine to seize it. I don't have much advice except what is already being said...if you want to be the one that's in and still standing then don't stand on ceremony and do something. When people are in transitions they are working on things, pick up from there. Also, the other piece of advice...compliment the strengths. A man I dated always knew to compliment my strenths and even though he was someone who had accomplished a lot in his life, he always knew I could do what I set my sights on. He was encouraging but never gave left handed compliments. Those kind of compliments are so revealing.
Savannah Jones
How can a person be all in when the person he wants to be with is finding herself. I date a woman just newly divorced. She wanted to take a break because she feels I'm the rebound guy. I think I am too. I don't think I am someone for her now but for later. Do I wait? I asked her and she told me to do what I need to do and I feel that's a trick question. In woman speak is it?
you should be proud you can outlast the rest but only because you survived the ordeal of whatever went bad in the relationship.
I'm a man in transition. I'm working on my kids and family right now. I have a woman friend and she likes me. She lets me know she has feelings and wants me to be with her when I get my kids in line and my family life straightend up. I don't know when that will be. I told her I care about her but here's the bottom line. My ex girlfriend is the one who can get me through this period better than anyone. It's a fact I'm not proud of. I understand what everyone is saying about the one that isn't a good choice but can be the only one who can relate to you or handle you. Do I tell the woman that I have shared a lot with me ex and she's going to help me with some things? I brought up the issues I wanted to work on and the woman told me to let her know if I want some help. I told my ex the same and the next day my ex emailed me all of the information to send me on my way and continues to show an interest. This other woman told me tha I have a strong mind and opinionated attitude. My ex told me thank god I have opinions and a strong mind to get guide me through. It's how these others look at traits and how they come across when dealing with me. It makes me miss my ex.
I don't get to be the one left standing because apparently I asked to sleep with this guy while he was needing space and he was mad that I ignored his need to remain focused on his priorities and put pressure on him and made me feel bad that he wasn't meeting my needs. Have you ever heard of this? What guy doesn't want to have sex with a woman who is by his side while he's getting his life together?
This man that stands by my friend has no idea he's pissing off my friend on most days. He says things the wrong way no matter what he says. He gives left handed compliments to my friend and in some ways it's undermining her but she doesn't let it, she thinks it's funny that he's unveiling his inner thoughts about her in this way because she'll never date him when she's done doing her stuff. I don't know why he stays around because it's like all of who she is which is caring, direct, focused, and still in love with her ex boyfriend is a problem for him. She's not going back to the ex but you want to tell this guy to wise up and see that he could use some lessons from the ex and even her ex husband. They had a great marriage but value differences. I want to know why does a man say what he does in such negative terms and still wants to be the one who outlast them all? I want to lay down a bet that the old boyfriend will find a way to come back and without talks asks her to marry him. He's frustrated and she's the best thing he's had next to his wife.
Last night I talked with my gal pals about this site and this one article. I never understood what you were saying. My friends found this to be in an ironic sense because I was like this. I would stick it out with any man I wanted to marry. I'd put up with verbal abuse, alcoholism, cheating, lying or worse not telling me things or letting me in on what I'd like to know. One man had old girlfriends in his past and would visit them on business trips even when he'd visit his daughter in college. It was disgusting. I didn't tell him that I knew that last one. I'd still stay with him and put up with his put downs because for some unknown reason I loved him. My counselor told me that because in my family there were put downs and sarcasm used but it was loving (maybe) and I was used to it being used in a different way than he used it. Another guy lost his job as a high powered financial bank man and wanted to go back to school right before proposing to me. He said it's why we couldn't marry. He needed to follow his dream. I didn't date and was there for him all of the time. He was also there for others and married a girl within 8 months of telling me this and within weeks of sleeping with me for the very last time. My message is you think you are doing the right thing. You follow your heart and sometimes your mind because you are a good person but good people get screwed over sometimes and being the last one standing with a prick next to you isn't worth it.
This woman I work with amazes me. I'm afraid of our new boss but she doesn't get intimidated. He was trying to flex his muscle and she smiled and never moved backward. He smiled and made reference to not knowing what she must have been through in life but it must have been hell because she can't get intimidated. It's true that of all of the people working here, she's been through some horrific stuff but she is also the one that can outlast us, she's also the one who is smarter than us. She knows how to get on the good side of every higher up there is. Someone said it's because she dresses for their jobs and not hers. I think it's survival skills that she learned along the way. I asked her her secret to not letting the new boss get to her. I can't tell if she was serious or not but I think it's helpful information for others and me. She told me to keep in mind that this isn't the only place to work and start putting my ducks in a row. In my career that's hard to do you have to be out before you can be anywhere else. I pointed that out and she smiled and reminded me that she wasn't hired at the beginning of the job year. I want to not be afraid of people like this and she said that the last one standing isn't always the smartest one in the bunch so how do you get out before and know you're smart and how do you know when to stay and then be the smartest one staying. She told me it's about principal and standing up for what's right but at the right time. She's supposed to present some views in the next couple of weeks.I watched her and she found that the others who also present have the same concerns. She said she's going to let them be the spearheads to the idea and her group will follow. Other times she takes the lead. I'm so lost I don't get how she knows when to choose this and whwen not to. Can you help me with this? Friends at work told me about your site and it would help me even in my personal relationships.
Ahhh...friends sent you here. Well, it isn't easy to know these things but people have patterns and watching them is how one can learn. If you let someone intimidate you, what have you gained and what have they gained? Play the game...I've looked people in the face while they are just losing it or trying to bully and intimidate and/or humiliate and I think less of them at those times. There's no reason to be this way and if you need to be, you might be insecure so that person in the higher up position doing this is possibly for some reason feeling threatened or insecure by the person or situation. Have your actions ever been made fun of? Keep those moments in mind, it's annoying the other person because it's also possible it pulls at their emotions that have been buried or ignored and it's uncomfortable for them therefore making it uncomfortable for you. Knowledge is really power to me and knowing what makes someone tick is power for good or bad. There's a certain respect bosses have for people who won't be intimidated. As far as timing goes on presenting things and knowing when and when not to...interesting concept. Personally for me it comes down to what type of employee do I want to be? Do I want to be the person who makes positive changes within the rules or a person who tries defy authority at every turn. I think changes can be made within the rules but also it's important to know who is making the rules. Where I work, the person dictating the rules to us directly hasn't always made the rules but is passing the rules down from their boss. If we make our boss look good, he looks good and mentions to his boss who made it happen. So presenting views that are in opposition is good but maybe that co worker is right in letting the others present a negative view and follow along but if it's a positive change for the boss...that's the one you want to present and "spearhead".
Hope it helps you.
Savannah Jones
great responses Savannah! You go girl! My dilemma is a little different than most of the people who have written in. No one has been able to put up with my ex not his first wife his second girlfriend and third girlfriend of years and years for all of them. There's been those in between and that's why each left. Then the third thought she could deal with the cheating by doing her own thing. It worked! She was the one who kept him the longest. So here I am wondering if that's how I need to do it and be a smarter about some of the other problems all of the woman had with him and then I can have him to marry. He's a good provider but short on all of the rest. He thinks he's great in bed and he's okay but he'll do. I don't mind the other woman if I can do my own thing. He's a good guy but short on a few warm fuzzies but he's nice and I need to get married soon. So do you think if I do this this way I can outlast the other women who didn't make the cut?
Trick question person:
It's not a trick question but it could be a trick answer or it's the plain old truth. I've used it both ways...I've said it in response to someone doing something that I wasn't fond of in our relationship. I told him to do what he needed to do and I'll do the same. What I meant was I'll still be faithful me but I'll be watching this person as he goes about the issue after knowing my feelings. I've also said it meaning, do what you have to do and I accept it if timing is off. I usually add that I'd like a heads up to it all. You might ask her to be more specific if the moment seems right to ask. People in transition and wanting to get things taken care of in my opinion, don't wish to be pressured by this outside source. As far as you thinking you are rebound guy that wouldn't concern me as much as you mentioning that the woman said she thinks you are too. If she's telling you this, she might know what she's saying. As far as waiting...I can't tell you to give up on something you want or to wait for something that may or may not happen. That's for you to decide. I guess you could start with taking a real good look at why she feels you are a rebound man and nothing more. I do know people who have married rebound people. Usually those people have resolved their past relationship issues before getting involved with another.
Savannah Jones
I love my old girlfriend and I know she loves me. How do I get her to at the very least meet me to hear me out. I wish I could take back some of the things I said. I go to bed feeling her next to me and she said she does the same. We feel each other and think constantly about one another. We should be together. How am I going to be heard if I can't meet with her, she won't see me. She wanted to marry me and now she doesn't even want to see me. Things got out of hand and I shouldn't have let her go.
emotions are very hard to sift through when you are wanting the world with someone and the someone wants to conquer the world solo. I feel like the woman I want to be with will find someone while she's also finding herself. That come back to me song makes me wonder if the guy thought if he hangs in she'll like him more. I feel like she'll meet someone on the way and I'm out of the picture. Any advice?
What is a productive boyfriend?
Outlasting the other women and making the cut person:
The whole time I read your comment I asked myself this question and I guess I'm asking it to you - Why do you want to outlast these women? Is this man someone you want to spend your life with? Is it possible there's an issue with him that comes out in each relationship and is unresolved that you will then live with a man who cheats and you have to know the score? Because it's scary to me there's even a score in the first place that you have to concede to. l hear major urgency to get married and I don't think that's the best time to do it. Marriage is supposed to be for life and yes it doesn't always happen that way but going into something already knowing what you know makes me wonder if marriage is really the prize. I don't have advice on how to land this man into marriage because I wouldn't want to land this man and can't possibly advise someone on how to do it. All I can tell you is life maybe short but divorce court can stretch out for years and years and you may be more stuck than you know. Keep in mind he could ask you for a divorce, you don't necessarily hold all of the cards if you do get married.
Savannah Jones
Outlasting the other women and making the cut person:
The whole time I read your comment I asked myself this question and I guess I'm asking it to you - Why do you want to outlast these women? Is this man someone you want to spend your life with? Is it possible there's an issue with him that comes out in each relationship and is unresolved that you will then live with a man who cheats and you have to know the score? Because it's scary to me there's even a score in the first place that you have to concede to. l hear major urgency to get married and I don't think that's the best time to do it. Marriage is supposed to be for life and yes it doesn't always happen that way but going into something already knowing what you know makes me wonder if marriage is really the prize. I don't have advice on how to land this man into marriage because I wouldn't want to land this man and can't possibly advise someone on how to do it. All I can tell you is life maybe short but divorce court can stretch out for years and years and you may be more stuck than you know. Keep in mind he could ask you for a divorce, you don't necessarily hold all of the cards if you do get married.
Savannah Jones
Savannah,
I think your closing argument says all we need to know. If we spend too much time focused on the wrong person than we won't have time to meet the right one but the right one might not come around at the right time and that's what is going on here and I say wait it out to all of the people thinking this is the right person but wrong time.
When you say you watch what a person does do you mean that while you are transitioning or in a meantime situation you watch the guy that says he wants you and how he handles your unavailablitiy? I think that's great advice. The guy that says he's waiting for me to get my crap together went on Match. Com and found someone for a few nights of dates. I don't know how someone could do that and say he wants me can you? Is it that these online services are so easy to reach and there's someone on the other end willing to be there? I am hurt by this and found out about it today at work. What do you think about all of this. It looks like he's a cheater or at least a liar don't you thihk?
Productive Boyfriend? A Productive Boyfriend in my own terms means a man who knows how to make dreams happen for others. I know how to put the pieces together and make an idea work. I was a productive boyfriend with this woman as she is a productive girlfriend. I don't think there's a man out there that she's dated who would doubt this. She's a woman who will help with any problem and make you see both sides to it. She brings you to a reality base but also knows how to achieve ideal balance. This made us a productive couple. We didn't go to movies and dinner, we stayed home and worked on our interests and shared. We made a family come together and we used our strengths to combine and be a team. It may sound like less fun to some people but it's a real life with someone and not just where we went and what we ate. We were always accomplishing something together and learning together.
Okay that's a wow moment about divorce court and you're really peeved about that woman's comment Savannah. You are so so right about the possible situation of the guy asking for a divorce. These people think they get to be the only ones deciding how the relationship should go. What if she was married and thought it was a prize and he said see ya? Then did she really outlast the other women. Lady, I'd listen to this one.
What if you were described as productive would you like it? I mean who says this stuff?
Now now...play nice above me. I happen to understand what this man means and it's something that many people strive for in relationships he just put it in a non-romantic term that's all. I accomplished more with certain people compared to others and came together as a family more than others. It was a productive relationship but I understand that doesn't sound all romantic and loving but that doesn't mean it wasn't. I hate to use Bill and Hillary Clinton as a productive partners example but something like it. But leave out the cheating and lying about it part.
What I want to know is if this was such a great relationship of productivity why let it go?
Savannah Jones
How to answer the Match. com question...hmmmm.
I have no idea what you set in place before he went looking and going on the dates. If you had talked about this and said for him to give you some heads up or idea that he was getting tired and wanted to date and he didn't, I'd wonder about his ability to communicate, ability to be honest and not lie by omission. Having been in these shoes, it's a situation where trust needs to be earned and I think that kind of trust once it's lost is very very hard to win back. I don't like to think that someone is telling me one thing and looking online later that day or even earlier. The whole online idea does make it available 24/7 and I've known people to get in an argument and go surfing but to actually have the date? Well...that person has been looking and communicating more than that one night of an argument. I don't know this for sure but use some common sense. Think of it in reverse, it takes more than a 24 hour period to email back and forth and make the date happen if their of quality don't you think? These transitions and meantimes are difficult times for everyone involved but adding the pressure of worry and someone else's urgency aren't usually in the agenda of the one transitioning so you have to figure out what you want to do about it. I just don't buy that it happened overnight. Can he earn your trust back? That he can try to do with consistancy.
Savannah Jones
First guy on this feed of comments -- You wait because she's being respectful of you by not telling you to wait and she's not telling you you are wasting your time. If you were waisting your time a respectful person would tell you. It's great to be patient and understanding but what do you have to lose that you are worried you are being stubborn. She might decide you aren't for her but people who take time out of dating they do it for real real reasons that are severe. They come out of it a different person or more whole. You might be for her or you might not. She can't tell right now because she's transitioning or meantimeing. That makes you see things differently. If she's anything like my old girlfriend, she's fiery, passionate about her focus and that means she controls how she feels and acts on her feelings. It's actually a turn on to see it in action I think. To see someone know she wants sex but decides not to even kiss. It actually turned me on to see someone take control of their own thoughts and emotions like this. Man, all of the understanding in the world can be there but what else do you have to lose? Are you really wanting anyone else?
Post a Comment