Went to bed watching Sex and the City and woke up to a radio talk show about break ups...there was a theme. Last night it was accidentally saying I love you and today it was at what point do you owe someone a break up talk? All good questions I thought but is it really a heart wrenching decision to make? On Sex and the City Samantha experimented with the drug ecstasy and said I love you to a man she's been with. She didn't hear anything back and it didn't matter at the time but the next morning...she wanted to erase saying it. When she decided to discuss it, the guy knew it was said "under the influence" (wink, wink) and dropped it. At that point Samantha was hurt that she didn't hear those same words in return. Just goes to show...people are hard to please. This morning, the radio show was asking that if you date a girl for a few dates can you let it fizzle out without the talk and just stop calling? That all sounds fine until you turn it around on a guy and he wonders why you stopped talking to him and says to his friends that he wishes you could have been mature enough to just say you weren't interested. There are as many ways to give a brush off as there are people. As much as the rejections seem the same they all have their little nuances. Some people begin to distance themselves and stop calling as much. Seems pretty simple, that's the time to start the talking. Why distance yourself and not try and work on something? If you're keeping one foot in...you must want it to work out somehow or to not lose it for some reason. I try to keep to the golden rule so if I can tell after a few dates this isn't going to work out...I don't play hide and don't seek, I let the person know this isn't for me. Why keep them guessing? It seemed the responses to the question on the radio show were in favor of some reply and/or explanation as to why one would not want to have another date.
What are your thoughts...What suggestions and experiences do you have with this that might help others...
May 19, 2009
Do you bother?
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7 comments:
The theme of when to say what runs through my mind on a daily basis. I want to tell a man that I'm not into him but I like him as a friend. I take his dates out, his time, his money like in when he pays for our nights out and weekends. I've gone on trips with him. I won't marry him but don't want to be married right now. I know when I want to be it won't be him. I tell him I could fall in love and I've told him I love him because when I'm drunk and with him I let loose. I don't really love him I love him at the time. I am getting what I need out of this and it works. Do you think guys know this is how it really is or do you think they think I bought what they are selling? I think they bought what I'm selling.
I watched that same show last night. If a man did this with a woman, a woman would have said it back even if she didn't mean it. I think men have a way of finding some justification in saying it. Example: I love you is okay to say because it could mean I love you as a friend or I love you as a person. A guy doesn't feel too bad repeating it.
I heard this same thing on the radio and thought it was dumb that so many people didn't know what was right to do and that the people are so immature about it. You call and say why.
I saw that same show on tv a long time ago. we want people to be in love with us even if we don't love them.
Golden rule is tricky and deceiving I feel. I would want to be treated a certain way but then I'm not sure I can come through with the same things I expect.
I'm with the person on the second comment. I would think a woman would say it even if she didn't mean it and go talk about how she said it with her friends and the now what to it. A man wouldn't say it unless it meant he couldn't get in her pants unless he did say it.
To the first poster, it depends on how into you the person is but normally a guy doesn't notice and gets devastated when that moment comes as he is unaware of the fact he's being used.
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