Sitting around with a male friend and my laptop we decide to look through his choices on Eharmony. Not bad choices but location wasn't exactly on the mark. He pointed out to me that he put in a range and the service has gone out of that range. We discussed how staying open to coloring outside of the box is a good idea but at our age, we have narrowed it down with what works in order to not waste time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Moving on I decide to take the test to see what happens. Well...being a former member of Eharmony, you can't just sign in and retake the test. You also can't take it again and give the same email address as in the past. I'm not one for adding more to my life...and anymore email addresses is one too many. Not being able to resist what might be waiting for me, I create a new email address and begin the process. Someone must have complained because the questionnaire was a lot shorter than I remember it. I whizzed through and my age range was given - 32-66. I am somewhere in the middle of this and don't see myself dating a 66 year old. That man would have more in common with my parents than me. The younger 32 year old man having to take on teenagers and help provide...I'm sure some can but it didn't look like that sample had signed up for a woman in her forties. I'd love to know what a man in his early 30's would think if my profile popped up on his screen. I went in and changed the age range and was given a notice that I was limiting my options...Please, my options! Let's face it the only thing I limited was the systems ability to send me people, not realistic matches, just people. The distances were way too far to actually carry on a relationship that would have momentum, the interest and educational levels were not close to equal. I have surmised that I'm either hard to match up, don't wish to have a long distance relationship and it's too bad that I'm not in the mood to be some grown man's mom or some 66 year old man's daughter. I know that's becoming popular with those dealing with Freudian like issues, but I'm not looking for that and nowhere in my answers did I suggest this. Oh well...off to the drawing board but while I'm designing I'll still check in and see if that one fish got caught in the right filter.
January 28, 2009
Online Dating and Age Ranges
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11 comments:
Finally someone is saying this might be a weird phase that people are going through. Empty nesters or mom's with teenagers needing to baby someone or have someone look up to them and going after the not just younger man but really younger guy. The old men out there going for those real young gals have some fantasy land going and don't want to grow up and have a real relationship.
I don't think everyone has hooked up with someone younger due to certain unresolved issues, but it is worth noting. I have dated a younger man and that was right after I got divorced. It was fun and that was all it was going to be which is why it was fine with me at the time. I wasn't looking at him as some long term suitor. I will say that even at his age he was earning more than the average man his age or mine at the time, and in a steady but dangerous job. He was close to 8 years younger.
Savannah Jones
See even Savannah can admit that it's possible to meet a younger guy who is successful. I don't date older women but if I did I would be careful that I wasn't dating an older woman who wanted me just to flaunt me or to get a younger guy for sex. Let's be realistic, the older men can't work it like they used to and a younger man can. What's wrong with finding someone your own age? I don't know what my mom would think if I brought a woman home to meet her and she was only ten years younger than my mom or worse only 20 years older than my niece who is in college.
generation gaps are about every ten years. that should say enough right there.
Here's what I'm getting out of this post. Eharmony doesn't have anyone to fix up with Savannah so they send, random people which invalidates the systems matching process. I too have been on sites and find it hard to meet a potential date. It's not hard to meet a one night stand but really hard to meet a real good person. I think a lot of men start out hoping to find that one but find someone women are a little looser with their sexuality and expect each woman to be that way. Are there any men who read this who have those stories of women who thought they'd give it up for you and you met them online? I found myself searching the sites and found the same people on all of them. No one likes being alone and no one wants to date around if looking for a real relationship. It is upsetting to find the same people looking that were looking when you were busy having a relationship still out there looking too. As soon as the relationship fizzles the person goes back on. It's depressing. I think even more depressing though is continuing a relationship with someone when you know it can't work so that you don't have to go back "out there". I mean how many times should a person go back to a person before they know it ain't going to work. Who is the rebound in that and how many of them as a reaction sign up to Eharmony or Match?
I was on my way to work this morning thinking about your site and it's advice. I know I've read this somewhere this week but so many women want to call the other women or past women or some woman in their man's life. Your advice seems to lend itself to don't do it and put yourself in others shoes and what is the point of calling. I want to know if you can put yourself in the shoes of these women? I would want to call and have called. I agree it doesn't serve much purpose but neither does a lot of things but we buy them or do them because we want to. I think it is helpful to call and to help move on if you do call and hear either he was faithful or not faithful honest or not honest. I don't care who is lying to me it's the idea that I took matters into my own hands and heard something. Hearing nothing doesn't work for me. If it doesn't work for you I understand but why advise not to call or really it seems you don't advise it you are saying think it over I guess that's really it. I have thought this over and I do it every time a relationship ends and the person within weeks moves onto another woman. It helps me to know that most of what he did had to do with him seeing another woman. If there isn't anyone in the background or soon to be, I have no one to call. I'm curious and interested in the step in shoes idea and wondered if you've ever done it or wanted to do it. It sounds like it's been done to you and that could be why you don't do it. Please share this.
Dangerous jobs may equal more pay but also more experience in being there for someone. I used to date a policeman and he had a sense about people in a non-interogatting way. He was kind and thoughtful but understanding and emotional. I didn't think he'd be that way but they have to be to help the victims through. Life also happens to them more often and an appreciation for it depending on the job. That may be why a firefighter, policeman, paramedic even young might know more than someone ten or twenty years older.
Calling Shoe Person,
I read this early this morning and it brought every scenario that I've lived of all of the past women of past men I've dated who have called and talked at/to me, called and chickened out, called but left no message. Can I put myself in their shoes? Sure I can, unfortunately in a couple of cases I really do know who existed and when. Calling the women isn't going to change anything. It might actually make it worse, feeling like you're breaking up all over again. How much pain do you really want to have? Also having that woman call me isn't going to make my life any easier, better, or resolve issues in that relationship. What it might do is provoke me to call the man to tell him about the call and that it upset me. I know at some point if I'm in touch with this guy and wanted him to know, I'd tell him I got that call. My ex was sorry we were bothered by these types of calls; everytime I got one in the middle of the night, I called him right then right after I gave out his anwering service/ pager number and every available number he had. That was actually better than me calling them. I do believe calling serves no real purpose for the long term in your life. When this whole mess is over and you've moved on (provided you can without this call)what was the point? Is this one of those moments you are going to regret if you didn't do it? I agree not everything needs to have a point to it. In my case it just isn't something I feel strongly about doing. Thinking something like this through I'd hope you'd come to the conclusion that the man is who he is and for whatever reason one or both of you decided it was over. You sort of sound like you'd blame the other woman for it being over. The woman isn't the reason he treated you this way or that it's over, it's over because he went seeking this out or allowed it to be a part of your relationship. If she put pressure on him and he chose her why do you want to get involved with this at all? I also don't think finding someone in a few weeks is all that telling. I do think if it is someone from the past that he might have said he wasn't in touch with, might be more telling as he was thinking this over but maybe not. I've waited a few weeks after a break up after never being in touch while dating to reconnect a friendship. The other woman does hold the answer to that but who cares is my point...your relationship is over and this woman does exist. It doesn't mean she replaces you, maybe you were just too good for him and he knew it. This is why I hang up on the women. Those calls make me very happy that I no longer am with the guy but also to talk with them is one more minute spent in the wrong direction.
Savannah Jones
Savannah,
Somewhere in the past you mentioned a boyfriend and now you're on Eharmony fishing around? I am assumming this means you're available. I don't know why the age bothers you. There are many older men who are very young. There's also viagra and cialis so the older men can keep up with the younger ladies. I am in my mid fifties and thinking you're in your mid forties but sound young at heart too. Your profile says midwest that's too far for us to date but what's wrong with it? I won't marry someone your age because I'd think of it as fun but want to ride out my golden years with someone closer in age but what's wrong with a fling?
Sweet far away man,
Whatever works for you is great. I don't want to sail into my golden years unmarried so having flings with men ten years older isn't my thing. I do know a couple of men in their mid fifties who are more physically fit than many my age, look young, eat right, and take care of themselves so much they might outlive many my age. I just don't want to have flings with them...those guys are marriage material. They are so young looking I wouldn't feel strange I'm sure. I have more in common with men older than younger and yes...you read it correctly. I'm unattached.
Savannah Jones
Is that unattached and unavailable or just unattached? Savannah,thank you for answering honestly about being in someones shoes who wants to call. It takes someone with more restraint than I have to be like you and not call or even to be able to see that side of it. I don't think you'll be unattached for long. You have a level head about you and that may be why you're single. You are able to think things through without letting your heart go crazy and make a bad decision. I can't learn that either.
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