Is this the new phrase..."I'd like to improve our relationship." In one week this has been said to me in a couple of different business type settings. Once it was said to me when I wanted to cancel a membership. The most recent one is regarding my car. My car is almost a year old, 22,000 miles and as luck would have it the beautiful new model change has a possible defect. (not sure yet) How did I know something was wrong? The car had a little squeal to it that became quite a holler. You know the same way a person not happy in a relationship let's you know, it starts off small and becomes so ear piercing you can't ignore it. Called my salesmen who surprisingly didn't forget about me after he sold the car; he got my car in first thing the next morning since it was possible I wouldn't have any back brakes to get there later in the day. Problem not covered under warranty, had to turn on the charm to get in good with the service man who apparently I'm going to be seeing a lot of every two months for oil changes while they "keep an eye" on the problem possibly caused by a design flaw (too early to tell). He added the phrase, "We'll know if we're making progress if you continue to only see us." Understand the reasoning even with relationships. I told him I should probably rid myself of this vehicle and start looking. He smiled and told me to wait it out another year and see what happens. I smiled back politely and told him I don't know where I'll be in a year when this happens and I don't want to be on the road relying on the brakes to work when they just quit, not to mention another $250.00 to fix it again. I really did feel like we were talking about a real dating relationship. Traded in old reliable a year ago because it was becoming costly and time consuming. New model all shiny and nice became mine and now at the first sign of trouble, I'm considering trading it in. Is that experience talking? Now the service man is going to sweet talk me with his beautiful smile and tell me just give it a little more time and it will all work out. He throws in a rental, takes off some of the cost, fixes a key fob for free, gives me compliments, and then of course the complimentary car wash so the car looks great and I might have sellers remorse with it looking so good. The maker of the car's customer service calls me saying, they'd like to improve their relationship with me and want to know where to start. Have you ever felt like you know where this conversation is going and so do they, so what's the point? Like any relationship, I knew I had to voice my side, ask that it be noted, hear that they will make note of it.As you've probably guessed, this hasn't happened to many of their cars and it's probably something I did. I was told I might drive with the parking brake on; a task that's hard not to notice. Hmmm...I sensed some deflecting blame so I informed the service rep that it isn't the first time I've owned one of their cars , my driving habits have only gotten better. Kids older, more highway driving, and I didn't have this problem for 5 years and more than double the miles. Again...maybe it's just me, but this is sounding more and more like a true couples relationship. I start laughing because this isn't how I want to spend my time, just like engaging in an argument and the other person has to prove their point and you don't really care, because you have your own side and you've heard theirs over and over. This is that moment in a relationship where improving it is put on hold while complaints and possible resolutions are laid out and a follow up plan put in place. I guess the honeymoon phase is over. I told the nice man to note the problem and I'll send a follow up letter stating the issue so we have something concrete to refer to, and we'll go from there. Oh my...sounding more and more like some people's relationships...right? The end of the call was another plea to keep me as a customer and assure me they will follow the progress and see what they can do. No wonder I'm so worn out from relationships...
How do you go about improving your relationships? If you ran your love life like a business and treated your love like a customer, would it be a better bond, a better partnership? This is a question that I know gets asked in marriage counseling, do you think it's a fair question?
January 30, 2009
I'd like to improve our relationship...
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Fair question and good thing it sounds like you have a sense of humor with some patience. Yes it's the new buzzword or phrase in business. It's the concept of "we". What is the downfall in the we concept is that "we" will become immune to the phrase and over time no longer take it seriously. Like all phrases it will start having a negative spin as you've stated in the past about certain phrases. I was in marriage counseling many years ago with my ex. One of the questions brought to my attention was this one you ask. I treated my customers better than my then wife. Why I did had to do with my survival. If I was good, the money was good, and everyone was happy. I didn't see it as part of that survival was my marriage. If I had seen that treating my wife like a customer would insure me survival, I might have had a better plan. My ex and I are great friends. I treat her like a business associate and she treats me equal to that. We both wonder if we had done this early on and while parenting would we still be married today. Great story and like your delivery of it.
And that's the key to rebound relationships - your ending. Your worn out so you are taking a break and recharging your batteries to be you again to make you solid and worth dating, while others are tired and worn out looking for someone to fix what was someone else mistake and make them seem godly like.
Savannah,
I "improved" my relationship and brought it to a new level by picking up the phone on New Year's Eve and groveling. I learned that my past "client" left the "company" she was dealing with and wasn't looking to make it right. I decided time I took bull by horns, and I mean stubborn bull. One thing about this woman I wanted and lost is that everytime you see her she's been through more and knows that much more. I don't worry about being rebound man anymore, this seems like a done deal. Improving relations with her was easy with time away and watching from a distance. She didn't miss me, she didn't miss me because I didn't make myself indispensable to her. She didn't really to me either I just don't want to be without her. I came back with a plan. I used to want her to join my firm and work for me. She'd be a great asset to any company. I also wanted a woman to come home to whom I could cook dinner with or watch her fumble her way through the kitchen but knows she loves me and that's why she's trying. She wanted to get out of her field and be home with her kids and be a wife. I decided plan A was to get her out of her job and into what she likes. Not a discussion about it but a done deal. I searched nanny services with tutors for her kids. I am providing the service and taking care of fees. Next, out of the job on a leave of absence and quickly into consulting in her field for pay from home most of the time. Meetings with people at lunch gets her out of the house a little. I scheduled a routine that works with her personality and time lines of energy. Her energy is balanced opposite of mine. She's vibrant when I'm not. Cute as long as she's the entertainment and then I don't mind being entertaining. What I'm saying is no more rebounding for those that are checking in on that. Make yourself more than the shoulder to lean on. For those looking to improve on something- start groveling and don't expect anything in return not even an apology. This woman calls me during the day missing me. No emails actual calls or texts. She feels loved and wanted and I have a woman who likes me, learning to love me again and kids that are happy to have their mom which keeps her happy. Improving relations is what it's all about but it is how to do it and what will work. In business that's what we do, we kiss ass to keep that client happy and we provide a foundation for them to keep us happy with the money coming in and referrals. I'm not looking for a referral or money but I have what I want by keeping her happy.
I want the guy above this comment I'm making. I have heard this phrase used in the car industry, the legal profession and a massage place all in about a month. I thought it was just me but I guess not. I went searching online for ways to better my relationship with my kids and this is one of the choices? I don't know but I'm a single mom of three and love this.
It's fair to ask this in counseling to make a person think about how they treat their spouse but I wouldn't want my spouse to treat me with the fake voice and demeanor he treats his clients with. If it's all only about getting what you want then we should be careful about what we want. I don't treat my husband near as nice as my friends but my husband has more opportunities to let me down than my friends do.
Your story is like a relationship and it is a relationship with a car dealer and salespeople who want to have and keep a job in 2009. How do you think the economy is going to effect couples and dating is an opinion of yours that I think you should share with your readers. I'm a friend and know what you think about this after a glass of wine or two you were on the mark about it. I think you know more about people then you will ever let on. You should share this idea with others. I'm sure the researchers and historians would agree with your view. Also, I do feel we need to improve our relationships with all people but how to do it is difficult. If you start by saying this positive line and then have a list about what isn't right and how it isn't working for you, then why bother sounding so positive. I believe if we use the line and give a what works for us list then it might be some good.
a fan
Taking a leave of absence to pursue a dream is easy to do in my field of education. After tenure we're allowed a year off or a sabbatical. I did this for a year to have a better marriage. It was a year of decisions and now I'm divorced. At the end of that year it wasn't working. It goes along with the rest of the advice. Have a timeframe in place, have a plan, and provide the foundation for it to work or set up the framework. Guy who wrote in, do you have a timeframe for this relationship if it isn't giving you what you want. It looks like you have the rest or are you not interested in marriage, maybe you're a lifetime dater?
In my job in education you only have to begin your position for the school year and then you can take a leave for the rest of the year. That's what I did in order to improve my life which improves my new relationship.
That's what I want from a man like the guy on here. I want a man who I offer nothing to but myself and that's what he can't live without. I used to have that and then haven't found it since. Things come freely to the guys who just want a woman for the woman and the idea that he'll never have him again in his life is the only reason he has to have her in his life. That would do it for me.
somewhere on here it says you have another site. Where is that site? Is it the previous version of let's talk over latte? If not, what is it about?
Answer: The site isn't a site that's question, comment and answer about relationships. It is also a site that is public but for now the web address is private unless you happen upon it in a search.
Savannah Jones
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