Thinking back to the character Chandler from the show Friends, I'm reminded of how he would find something wrong with every woman he dated until Monica.  Have you ever listened to people talk about their first, second, and maybe third dates?  It reveals so much about the person talking and his/her date.  You learn what this person needs.  All day I make decisions at work and am responsible for shaping the minds of almost 150 teens while keeping many adults on track and fielding questions and concerns from parents. I come home and have to make many more decisions and am the head of this household like many.  I was asked if I liked being the leader of a relationship at home since I do it with "ease" at work...My eyes rolled with dismay. How could someone see what I do all day and think I want to come home and make more decisions?  The woman asking explained that she would think I had to be in control 24/7.  That's probably true for many but also not true for many as well. Some aren't in control at work and choose to be managers and/or followers but not leaders. They may be the ones who are in control at home - or not. Why not just ask, " What do you need from me? "  Is the problem in the asking, are the wrong assumptions brewing, or maybe it's just a communication gap or lack thereof.  Either way, I am observing even those in my own life and wondering why they don't just ask even if it's asking me. We gravitate and make time for those who meet our needs as previously discussed. Making time for someone and carving out a special place in your life for this person and sharing it with your kids can have its' challenges.  What amazes me are those who talk about how they wish to have a relationship even with a specific person but have sized this person up completely wrong so they miss the mark and opportunity of a flourishing relationship.  In the meantime, someone else fills the communication gap and more.  Yesterday I heard someone call it being in the zone and he didn't mean "friend zone."  He talked about opportunity and how some just don't see it, or they wait for it, but don't create it in a way that it just happens.  Sometimes you have to plan spontaneous moments :)  Think about it...What have you planned in your life just to have an impromptu moment?

Savannah Jones 2012