Stepping Up/Stepping Down

Have you ever been chasing someone or something but find that someone else is willing to step up better than you, more than you, without ever taking a day off?  If you think about it,  if  there's someone else willing to go forward at a steady pace with gusto;  chances are the object of your time and affection is noticing too. That's not to suggest that the one working so hard gets the prize.  Conversing with a much younger group of friends I observed that so many were either going out of their way to impress either their boss, potential partner, even platonic friends.  I asked how the sucking up was working and if any of them are capable of taking a day off from it.  After a lot of laughter over self awareness and validating why it's being done, there was some truth talk about not being able to keep it up as much as others.  Most everyone wants to do their best and be recognized for it so I don't find it an unusual or inappropriate act, just something I observed that made my thoughts wander. Do I compare those that try to impress me on a consistent basis to those who do their best under different circumstances such as availability? Do people share the work I give evenly, or are there a couple people who are looking for recommendations and doing all of the work individually as if that will be the determining factor? What about in a personal life? If someone is wanting a relationship do they maintain their quest and build one or do they have peaks and valleys that aren't consistent?  Do you think the ability to hunt, ability to be loyal, etc factors in to the decisions you make choosing one person over the other?  Have you won and realized it wasn't worth fighting for?  Just a discussion that's being thrown out there.


 Feel free to share your story about this.


Savannah Jones 2012

Is there someone you would change for?

What makes someone an expert in relationships?  Is it someone who dates often, someone who interviews many people, or is it someone who just happens to have a way of making people laugh and listen?  I watched Steve Harvey on Anderson Cooper's daytime show and enjoyed every minute of him the next day on another talk show.  While he's really right on with much of what he said, I worried about something he called a "secret". I also am concerned about the message women might have taken away from it. The secret Steve Harvey is referring to is that men are willing to change for the right woman.  My stomach sunk when the camera panned to the audience and the look on the women changed from smiles to concern.   It brought to mind the repeated scene that would go down when an ex boyfriend who wouldn't change, commit, or marry.  Then he committed and/or got married  to another woman other than the one crying to me. The names of the crying friend might have changed but the same question was always asked..."Why her, what does she have that I don't?"  The first time I was asked this and probably many times after, I would answer with the same reply, "There's nothing different, he just didn't know what he had. Don't worry it's not you."  I'm not sure why I said this but with time came wisdom and my answers to the distraught lost friend grew into a reflective answer.  "Timing".  Maybe this became my answer because I've watched people evolve because they wanted too, not because of someone else.  Sure, there might be a special person who becomes the catalyst for change, I'll give Mr. Harvey that, but I really believe that the person wanted that change as well even before meeting this special game changer. Does a woman hear this on Anderson Cooper or from reading the book and think  to herself, "If I just keep working at this, he'll want to change for me?" I'm not saying a man won't but I was just thinking about all of the conversations I've heard and thought about the changes the men made and I feel the changes happened out of awareness, maturity, and a self motivated want to change. 

Savannah Jones 2011

Let's give them something to talk about?

Call it boredom, call it drama, call it a need to have something to say. Personally, I'm not sure what I'd call this but I hope next time I want a quiet afternoon... I get it.

So, I'm out at a new park enjoying the day with my dog and believe me this is something I'm forcing myself to do. While I love being outside with my dog, I prefer to do it in a place not frought with drama. One would think a park would be an easy place to do this but this park in particular is ironic. It's fenced in to keep the animals safe so the owners can walk about but the owners are fenced in as well and in some cases not exactly socially safe. My ear was bent regarding a story about a married couple and how the man in this couple is pining away for his ex- girlfriend. The ex -girlfriend moved on and hasn't been interested in this man for many years. I felt sorry for both the wife and the ex- girlfriend. The wife has to deal with this being said; the ex- girlfriend has to deal with a man who thinks she's the one that got away and she isn't even being pursued by the man. I told the courier of this information that it might be best to not spread her friend's life story around, especially in such a public place. For all she knew, I might have known this couple and this was news to me. At this point I started questioning what constitutes being a friend? Is it how you are face - to - face or how loyal and trustworthy you are when no one is looking in but a stranger? I prefer to think my friends aren't running about sharing my life story with others at the gas station, park, charity ball, etc. Of course if they did, I wonder what perspective others would have on it. In this case, I moved away and let it be known that I'm not into that kind of talk but enjoyed watching our dogs play. I know some create drama because they just function better that way and others shy away from it because they function better that way. In this situation, I'm not sure who started the rumor but I think there are a lot of little couriers carrying out the delivery of the message.

As I left the woman asked me what story would I have shared instead? I looked back and shrugged my shoulders. I don't think I would have shared any story while our dogs played. Most likely I would have asked questions about her dog if I was so inclined to lift my head up from my book. Again, just one of the reasons the fence is there is to keep the dogs safe so the humans can get a break.

© Savannah Jones 2011

A Coming Together in The Strangest of Worlds

Imagine, (I know you can relate) getting a medical bill that you know insurance should have covered but supposedly it was coded wrong. I'm into 90 days overdue which isn't like me but it really is covered and I'm not paying it just because it says I should. The hospital tells me to call the insurance company who tells me to call the doctor, who tells me to call the hospital. You get my drift and I'm sure can feel my pain because if it isn't a medical bill runaround; I'm sure you've experienced it with customer service at one time or another. So there I was on my break gathering my calling materials to make my call back to the hospital but this time I get a wonderful woman ( at least right now she is...we'll see if it all works out). Barb says this needs to move up to a Senior Rep. and be reviewed. Yes, finally this matter is moving. Motion is good if it's forward motion - that's what I tell myself in order to stay patient. Barb recognized my ability to be patient and began to talk about how she has no patience for dealing with her ex so any advice is welcome. She also talked about how she looks forward to her time alone on the every other weekend schedule. I could relate and told her how I miss those times every now and then. Barb can see my children's medical history to an extent and gets it. The next part of the conversation made my day...she said, "Why do people think just because you're divorced you're out sleeping around or trying too?" She went on to tell me how she rents a movie and invites a friend over to watch the movie and have dinner. She rarely leaves her house. I shared with her how I would race around my house every other Friday just to clean it so that when the kids left, I could sit in a clean house and relax on the couch. This is what dreams are made of ladies and gentleman - clean houses and renting movies. In my case, I had to add Chinese food to the Friday night routine. I have no idea who Barb really is and even if Barb is her real name but from the sound of it, we could be soul mates in another lifetime. I hated to end the conversation but break time was over for me and I had to ask for a reference number. It was at that point that Barb promised this matter will be looked at and the problem taken seriously. We were both still laughing at our lives while hanging up. Because of that one interaction today, my day went smooth. (It's the little things) I had an extra bounce in my step all because I connected with someone who shared her story and we both understood.

Now if only dating could be that easy.

© 2011 Savannah Jones

Is there a difference and can it make or break a relationship?

The difference in question is in the following:

Conversation A - between a friend possibly wanting to be more and a woman -

Woman - My car needs a new fan belt and its' costly.

Man - Where are you taking your car and do you need a ride?

Woman - I'm in the waiting room waiting for the work to be finished.

Man - where did you take it?

Woman - The dealer.

(Discussion moves on to other topics)

Woman goes to check out and the bill has already been paid. Later that day the man calls back and inquires the following:

Man - How's the car?

Woman - I was just going to call you because someone paid my bill. Was it you?

Man - Yes.

Woman - You didn't have to do that.

Man - I know I didn't, I wanted to but if I had asked you if you needed help you would have said no. I just wanted to do it and was happy to be able to help out.

Woman- Thank you so much

Conversation B - between a friend possibly wanting to be more and a woman

Woman - My car needs a new fan belt and its' costly.

Man - Where are you taking your car and do you need a ride?

Woman - I'm in the waiting room for the work to be finished.

Man - Where did you take it?

Woman - The dealer.

Woman goes to check out and pays the bill. Later that day the man calls back and inquires the following:

Man - How's the car?

Woman - Car is great but wallet much thinner

Man - I wish you would have told me because I could have helped out.

Woman - That's okay I got it.

(Discussion moves on to other topics)

This post comes about because an observer of life noticed that just as two women behave differently, so do two men but one will not get the girl. It's possible that neither will get the girl but one will stand out as a stand up man who really does what he wants. Everyone helps out in their own way but if someone really wanted to do something for someone - they do it the best they could. Sometimes after a person learns that someone else came through or went above the norm you usually hear something like - I would have helped out if you had asked me. I would love to do something like that for you. (or some version of this deflection) A couple of elderly men listening in on the conversation said there definitely is a difference between the approaches of letting someone know you are there for them. As one of the elderly men said, "If it's a woman talking about her day then she's probably mentioned numerous things she needs help with or wants. If you listen you'll know how to help." A friend once told me that he helps out because anything that can take a burden off or ease up some money for fun things is one of the ways he shows he cares. The example given by him is if he can free up someone's time and stress while also giving them spare money to buy something they enjoy then he's shown his care and love for this person even if he isn't in their immediate life or plans.

© 2011 Savannah Jones